22.

Hey there! It's been so long since I last posted, so forgive me if I'm a little rusty at this. I was on Timehop a couple of days ago and my blog "21" showed up as being posted a year ago and I honestly couldn't believe it. It doesn't feel like my birthday is so close, and that in two weeks I'll be turning 23. It gave me the itch to write again, and to write about my year as a 22 year old.

I won't lie, when I turned 22 I wasn't necessarily in a "happy" place. School was starting to overwhelm me, my workplace was filled with highs and lows, my parents had just recently moved two hours away, and I was still stuck in the feeling of aloneness. And guys, being alone scares me to death. As 2015 came to a close I found myself in a state of depression for the first time since high school. I had never been depressed while knowing God, and I really couldn't figure out how I had gotten there.

I prayed to God to give me a word, or a phrase to hold onto as 2016 began. I heard so clearly, rest. 2016 was going to be my year of rest. Now, you try telling a 22 year old girl who is working full time, going to school full time, married, and in a dark place that she will have a year of rest. I just didn't see how it was possible, but holding onto that one word gave me hope that maybe some good things were coming my way. Maybe I could catch a break.

Walker and I went on a wonderful vacation this year in the Spring, but even that didn't go as planned. We were going to stay with some of my family for the first 4 days in Tennessee, 2 days on our own in Nashville, and 1 day on the way back in Hot Springs. Our original plan crumbled, to no one's fault, and to make a long story short that meant we had to find somewhere to stay for the first 4 days. We could have just stayed home, but I knew in my heart that I had to get out of town for a little bit, I needed a different space. Some of Walker's family were so incredibly kind and let us stay with them in Hot Springs, Arkansas for the first 4 days of our week long vacation. These were people I had never met, and that Walker hadn't seen since he was a little boy. When we pulled up to their house and I saw the peaceful, quiet, restful atmosphere I knew right then that God was going to heal me while there. And He did. I had such a special time with Walker and his family, and the rest of our vacation was busy but so fun. So needed.

Over the next few months the Lord started shifting things in my life. I felt so clearly it was time to seek out a new church home. I was mad at God about that, Walker and I had been going to ours for 2 years and it's where we really started building our Christ-centered foundation. We were comfortable. I talked with Walker about it and we both agreed that we would try out new churches and if we didn't feel anything from other places, we would just stay there. Pretty quickly after I talked with a friend and she invited me to come to her church. We went for the first time on Easter Sunday, and continued going. I started hearing messages that lined up directly with where I was at in life and knew this was where God wanted me.

April was a huge, beautiful, challenging month. One of those reasons was because I went on a youth retreat, and I swear I got more out of it than the kids. Again I found myself in a beautiful, quiet, restful atmosphere and here it was 100% about serving God and hearing His word. This was another step into healing. Then, a week later I had this huge assignment due. The requirement was that I had to write a paper breaking down a painful moment in my life, and what exactly made me feel that way. Still healing from my recent depression, it was easy to find something to write about. It went in depth on why the moment was happening and what about it felt personal. I've always been one to take things personally, and this assignment actually changed my life. I truly believe this was the last step I had to take to be pulled out of my depression. God works through everything, even school assignments. My soul was at rest.

Following quickly after that I was sitting in church and heard so clearly (and so out of the blue) from the Lord, "I want you to quit your job." And honestly, I did want to quit. I didn't feel like I was really being used the way God intended me to be and my days there were very inconsistent. I flat out said no to God. And I kept saying no to God every single time I'd hear this from Him...which was a lot. I finally told Walker and I was in tears as I did, because I was so scared that he would actually be okay with this. You see, my deal with God was that if Walker said yes I would do it. There was no way I'd make this big of a life change without Walker backing it. Guess what...Walker told me to do it and that He knew the Lord would bring something our way. So I did it. On May 5th I turned in my two weeks with no other job lined up, just a lot of faith in the Lord and what he was doing. Let me just tell you that having faith in those times where we are challenged to step out is so much better than any worldly sense of security you could find.

About a week and a half later I got offered an internship with our old church over the summer. I also go told that our local pregnancy aid center was in need of an assistant in the education department. I applied right away and started praying over this position. At the same time I was applying to multiple places, about 3-5 a day. Most of the time I was at home, and I got the full force of that rest the Lord told me He would give me. I got time to enjoy my home, enjoy my marriage, enjoy my life. I hadn't been doing that enough. No better way to be thankful for what you have when it's all that you have.

Over about 6 weeks I got offered 2 other jobs, but they just didn't feel right. I kept holding out for the pregnancy center, which was unable to give me an answer for weeks because the director was out on Sabbatical. God asks us to do some crazy things that just don't make sense to other people, and turning down job offers while seriously needing a job was one of those crazy things I held to. I trusted that God would provide, and He did. I got offered the job at Next Step Women's Center and I have never enjoyed work more. I am so blessed to be there, where I am encouraged daily in my faith, and where I get to touch others as God works through me.

Walker and I celebrated our 2 year anniversary in Austin recently, and it was so good to get away with Him after all the alterations that had been made in our lives. I can honestly say that Walker is my biggest blessing, and 2016 has been shaping him into an even better man...which I didn't think was possible in the first place.

You can see how 22 was a year of what some may see as madness and full of change, huge changes. But I see it as a year of growth and a year of rest. I've grown so much closer to God, and I realized it wasn't that I needed to catch a break at all, it's that I needed to slow down and trust that His promises are true and good.

He is my healer, my comfort, and my refuge. I encourage you to trust in Him even when other's say it's crazy, and even when you may think it's crazy too. His plan is better than any we could ever dream up, which means the roads to getting there will not be predictable. It's not about knowing the directions, but trusting  that the Lord knows where He is taking you. My friends, it is a beautiful journey.

I am so excited to see what 23 has to hold.

When You are Called to Counsel

I have always enjoyed getting to know people. I love hearing people's stories and backgrounds, and getting to hear why they are who they are. I've also always been someone people confide in. Most of the time it just happened, and I didn't really think too much of it. Now I see it as a blessing that people feel comfortable enough to be vulnerable with me. More than a blessing, being someone to confide in, is my calling.

I took an AP psychology class in high school. It was the first AP I had ever taken and it was the first semester for this teacher to teach it. I had it set in my heart I was one day going to be a psychologist. I wanted to help people. We started talking about the science of it all, and only the science. There were models and systems and exact reasons why people thought the way they did. I saw it becoming less about the person and more about the process of fixing them. At this moment, I lost my passion.

Into college I became obsessed with nutrition. I wanted to get all of the knowledge I could to help people be a better version of themselves and to help them live their life to the fullest. Again, I found myself wrapped up in science. (Can you tell it's not my strongest point?) Nutrition does center around science, we can't know how a food affects our bodies without proper studies and tests. I lost my passion again.

I then went to the easy choice for myself, to be a teacher. I am not saying teaching is an easy job, in fact I know it's the opposite, but it was always my fall back plan. I knew I had a love for helping others, I was good at English and liked to write, and I wanted to work with seniors as they begin to think about their life and where they really want to go. So Ms. Kennedy/Mrs. Hemnes it was.

Then something changed. I had been looking into attending SAGU and I saw counseling as a major. Not only counseling, but counseling ministries. Something immediately tugged at my heart. I prayed on it a lot, and I sometimes fought it. How could someone with a past like mine be qualified to counsel others? Doubts. They overwhelmed me. But I felt a yearning in my heart for this, and for the first time something felt right and like it could fit.

I'm now in my second semester of school at SAGU. I plan on taking 30 hours this year total. I am absolutely loving my classes, and instead of what they did in the past (turn me away from the desired profession) I find myself running towards them, excited to hear lectures I can relate to and enjoy. It is the most amazing thing to be in this place.

I think vulnerability is a beautiful thing. Elisabeth Shue said, "I understand now that the vulnerability I've always felt is the greatest strength a person can have. You can't experience life without feeling life. What I've learned is that being vulnerable to somebody you love is not a weakness, it's a strength." As a counselor these people will not know me outside of these sessions. For some it is easier to be vulnerable with a stranger than someone you love, but my hope is that whatever stories I hear they realize they are what can make them strong and beautiful rather than weak and fragile. 

I am so excited for how God will use me in other people's lives. I have to think about my own as well, too. If you're reading this and you have a similar heart, I know that it gets heavy often. So many times throughout the day I am depending on God to use me for other people. I come home on fire for God and what He did that day, do my normal Bible study, and sleep. I still give all glory to God, but sometimes I correlate God using me and just resting in God as the same thing when they are not. If there is one thing I could say to someone wanting to help others (in any way) it is that your time with God is the most important counseling session you will have. It needs to happen frequently, or you will be empty. In a job that serves others it is vital to remember you can rest in God. 

I strive to always be there for people when they need me but sometimes I find that so hard to believe is possible in someone else, even God! What a thought. That God doesn't have time for me, is bored of me, or He only wants to be included in the parts where I'm sharing the good news. If you catch yourself having those thoughts I'd encourage you to have time of worship, my favorite song for these moments is How Can it Be by Lauren Daigle. Because that's exactly what I am thinking in those moments, how can someone love me THIS much without ceasing? What a beautiful love story and hope to hold onto. 

I am so excited about what God will use me for in life. But I am learning to be equally excited and to accept the love that is always readily available and never empties. 

"the Lord appeared to him from far away. 'I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you.'" Jeremiah 31:3

21.

My whole life I've been about pleasing people. Making sure my actions were the right ones, my words the ones they wanted to hear. But the older I got the more I realized I was draining myself, and that I didn't really know who I was because almost all that I did in life was for affirmation from others. God did something about that this past year of my life.

I've read it before, of people crashing and burning when the world stops dishing out the compliments and gets harsh. Usually it's right out of high school, but mine took a little time. I'm about to turn 22 and the past year of being 21 has been the hardest of my life.

The only way I can describe it is it felt like people were purging from my life, and the ones left in it were not the kindest I've ever known. When I say purging, I mean I lost people. Friendships broke and weakened, and my strongest ones moved away. Even my parents left.

I remember thinking, why would God leave me alone like this? I can't live like this, I can't thrive with no one here. He knows that, He knows that I have built my life around being the "good" one, but what happens when that doesn't matter anymore?

I never realized as I was trying to keep people happy that I was building a tremendous amount of pride within myself that grew the more compliments I got. That pride was also a wall between myself and God. 21 has been the year God said, "It's time to take down that wall."

I felt like I was in a corner. With no one new coming into my life to fill the gaps that opened as people left I found myself trapped in my world that I had never looked at for myself, but always others. I was sad a lot of the time, and incredibly hopeful that each new friend that would walk into my life would be the friend God was blessing me with to finally balance out those who had left. I clung to them, to that idea, instead of clinging to God. If you haven't already figured it out, that led to my downfall.

I found myself in a pit. It had been a while since I dug one for myself, and this was probably the deepest I had ever made one considering I had been digging my whole life and didn't even realize it. I couldn't get out, I was so full of self pity, and kept telling everyone that the only thing I needed was a good friend.

It took a solid year for me to open my eyes to the thought of God being that friend for me. A year of hurting, loneliness, and brokenness. I sat on my back porch as it poured and asked God to give me something to let me know that I am not alone, and that I never was.

What I got was Psalm 56:8


At the moment of reading that I felt my heart lighten. I had cried alone so many times the past year wondering when I would have someone who understood me, would be there for me, and welcome me to be there for them.

Every time God was there.

He is that friend for me now. When I hurt, when I'm filled with joy, when I'm frustrated, I run to him. I had such a painful and difficult year filled with loss, but for someone who has such a need to please people I needed to see what life was like with no one to please. Just God.

Since this time I've had to watch myself even closer, and practice the self-control God has given me. I feel like myself, something I don't think I've ever known before.

 I have a heart that cares for people but doesn't find my worth in how they treat me, because I know my worth is in Jesus. I feel Jesus in me, letting me be free of the expectations of this world and able to really love others, not just please them.

"For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ" Galations 1:10

300 Days Married.

I had to take a look back at my last post, 200 days married, to see where life stopped at that moment. I think these sets of 100 days get more and more eventful, I'm catching on that that's just how life is.

To start, April 9th made 200 days and tomorrow, July 18th will make 300.

When I was last writing, it was right before I shared my testimony with the youth group. That moment of sharing went amazingly well, and I am so surprised by how God uses and pushes me to share the good news of being saved. The steps God has me going in are bright and promising.

In May I got a new job, a big girl job I like to call it haha! It's at Keller Williams, and it's been  really great move in my life. It was so very hard to leave HEB, but it was time. Being in an office environment vs. retail is incredibly different (no duh, right?), but again, I feel God pushing me in a new challenging time of my life and making me get out of my comfort zone because that is where we grow.

I got accepted into SAGU for Counseling Ministries, and will start back at school in the fall. After a year off I'm very nervous, but ready, to go back to school. I love school and I love even more that I finally found the major I'm called into being.

Walker and I bought a house. Yep. We bought a freaking house!! How amazing is that? It was such a stressful time, but it all worked out and we are still in the process of moving. As of today it's been a week since we closed. This is probably the most surreal thing that has happened in the past 100 days. We bought a house that has only ever been in my dad's family. They were the first to live in it in 1970, and we are now the 3rd generation to own it. Buying a home had a ridiculous amount of ups and downs, but man this makes all the lows more than worth it. Also, along with the house we adopted another sweet puppy named Ladybird. Still adjusting to her in the house, but  gosh she's so good!

I went through, no..I'm still going through, a really hard realization for myself. I crave relationships with people. I love to get to know people, to let them know they're important, and to love on others. But sometimes/all the time I do that and I put them in front of my time with God. This entire year has been incredibly painful for me concerning friendships. Let down after let down, whether it was big things with the wedding, or just being left out of outings, it has been a very challenging season. But as this year of hurt comes to a full circle, I am beginning to see the purpose. It is not healthy to put any relationship with someone before my friendship with the Lord. I may have lost some, but I am gaining closeness to Jesus, and I know there are better things ahead.

Walker has been amazing these past 100 days. Seriously, he's been wonderful. Whether it's been surprising me with dates or with unpacked boxes, he's been the very best. It's amazing to hear him talk about God and share his faith with others, Walker a year ago wouldn't of done that.

There's going to be so much going on in this next part of my life, these next 100 days. Walker and I will have our 1 year anniversary (what?!) and I'll be starting school. Beauty is on the horizon. I'm holding Jer 29:11 close as the plans for my life continue to unfold.

200 Days Married.

At 100 days of being married to Walker I wrote a sappy instagram post on how those days had been. Now that we're a few days over 200 I wanted to share the changes and events we encountered, and sometimes insta just doesn't cut it, so here's a blog post.

We reached 100 days on December 30th of last year, and 200 on April 9th of 2015. A LOT has changed and we've been busy.

Firstly, we attended two weddings, one of which we were both in!

Jessica and Cody on February 28th, 2015

Hannah and Skyler on March 14th, 2015

Going to weddings as a married couple is really refreshing. The ceremony hits me and takes me back to the day we got married, and let's be honest, I cry a lot when I think about that sweet day. But really, it is so nice to go to weddings and be in a room centered around love. We are so thankful for both of these couples and the friendship they bring us!

Also, I started working with the youth group at the beginning of this year. It's amazing how big of an impact working with teens can have on your own life personally. The willingness they have to bring God into their struggles is inspiring to me, I know I struggled a lot with that in high school. God did something in my life, which I talked about a lot more in my last blog post, but I felt led to share my testimony with the youth group. So next Wednesday on the 15th I will be doing that, please be praying for me and the group!

We had our first Valentine's as a married couple!

Guys, Walker did SO good! I remember money being tight around this time and he still managed to go all out for me. I could really tell his heart was in it, and it wasn't forced Valentine's gifts or expectations, but he really did want to  surprise me and show he loved me in a way him and I usually don't. The wedding cake candies really made it perfect :)

God really showed just how good He is with a new friendship in these past few days, with Hannah.

If there is one thing Walker and I had prayed and prayed and prayed and PRAYED for it was friendship. Young people our age with a heard for Jesus. Well, I ended up working in floral around Valentine's day and I got to work with Hannah for the first time in a LONG while. We talked about where our lives were at and decided to go have dinner. Within that same week we ended up going and getting a bible study to do together. I am so blessed by this friendship, and Walker is as well by his friendship with Brandon. You two have no idea what good you have brought into our lives, but I hope we can show you throughout our fun days together. We love you!

Me and Walker went on a lot of dates this time around and I think that's really important when you're married. Sometimes those dates are late night trips to taco bell, a home cooked dinner, or a nice restaurant trip to our new found love, Chimy's. But I think we really made it a point to spend more time together and it's made a huge impact on our marriage.

Walker got a job promotion! This is a huge deal for us. It's been hard mentally and physically on him trying to figure out where God wants him to be. Through job interviews within the company and outside as well I know Walker felt lost at some points, but God's timing is always perfect, and I have to say this was for us! Thankful for hardworking guy, and the fact that he has something new to do at work and has gotten respect that he has deserved!

We celebrated Easter by going to the service at church Saturday night and spending time with both sides of family on Sunday. A year ago we walked into that church not sure what to expect, and a year later we have a church home. I cannot say enough how blessed we are! 

So, that's pretty much it for the past 100 days! They haven't all been easy, but man it surely has been a season of blessings. Thank you for reading, and please keep us in your prayers!!

Unfailing Love.

Do you ever look back in life and realize things worked out, even though at the time you swore they wouldn't? Lately I have been tremendously overwhelmed by the beauty that my life is.

Last Sunday I heard a direct word from God, and He was telling me I needed to share my testimony with the youth group. I've been working with the youth since January, so not terribly long, but long enough to know faces and a few stories/personalities. Sharing my testimony is a big deal. There's a lot of hurt in my story, as I'm sure there is in yours. 

I'm not a closed off person by any means. I can sit and talk about my life and tell someone every detail, but usually I've hung out with them enough to share the parts of me that are a little deeper than others. To just flat out share my story with young kids going through so many of the similar struggles as I did is exciting, but terrifying at the same time.

When I heard from God I basically asked back, "Are you sure I'm ready for that?" God came back with a pretty big yes and I realized, I'm not one to question in the first place. 

When I got home, I told Walker what I heard and started crying. All the fear of being raw and open with people who didn't even know my name hit me. What would the leaders think of me? The kids? How would this change my presence at church?

And then I stopped worrying because I realized how ridiculous that is. A testimony is supposed to be honest, true, and open. God's grace refreshed me with the truth that HE made all things work together in the best timing. 

What followed was a beautiful awareness to the life I'm living. If you had told me in my past that I'd be where I am, even as soon as just a year ago, I really don't know if I would have believed you. But it's once I started believing that God was able to do the things I thought I only dreamed of that those things happened.

So in this same conversation with Walker my tears stemmed from fear turned to tears of joy because God is just so good.

Then today I listened to The Breaker's Commission by For Today. I listened to this song at 18 and cried because I wanted so badly to know, REALLY know the power of God and the confidence in the words. This morning at work I was brought to tears (I'm sure that looked super awesome to the night stockers haha!) as I listened for the first time in years knowing His peace, His presence, and the freedom that comes along with having a relationship with Jesus.

So please, pray for me and the time I will be sharing my testimony with the youth. Pray over mine and Walker's future as we grow in the Lord and with each other. 

And please let me know if I can pray for you.

Book Review: Their Eyes were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston.

For a 190 page book this dang thing definitely took me what felt like forever to finish, let me tell you why.

I. Could. Not. Get. Into. It.

That is, for the first 12 or so chapters. I put this book down and thought, "Well, good job Savannah, you held to your goal of a book every month for two whole months!" I seriously thought this book was going to be the one that ruined my reading streak.

Eventually, I made myself pick it back up and I am so glad that I did.

When I shared on instagram (follow me at savannahhemnes) that I was reading this I was surprised by how many people praised it. At the time I posted I was maybe 5 chapters in and way thrown off by the dialect of the book. 

This book is very southern, and touches VERY heavily on the topic of race. If I'm being honest I usually stay away from books like this, not because I don't enjoy them, but I also don't like a lot of opinions thrown in my face. This book did a beautiful job of not doing that while still hitting it right on the mark with racial issues. 

I think another reason I had a hard time getting into it is because I felt so bad for the main character, Janie, and it took so long for her to find something that she deserved. Probably about chapter 14 and on I got really into the story and felt really happy with the direction it was going. 

The ending bummed me the heck out, but it was beautiful. The story shows a woman who has been through life experiences that hinder her thought of love, until a younger man comes and shows her what it really means. I loved reading it and seeing redemption in her heart.

I rated this book 4 out of 5 stars on goodreads. I just couldn't get into over half of the first half, but man I got into the last quarter. I'd definitely recommend this to others, but also forewarn them of the dialect and the fact it isn't a page turner really until your over halfway in (in my opinion of course), but those last chapters are worth the entire book. To be fair, you do need those first few chapters, they're just really frustrating because I found myself wanting Janie to have the good life she deserved.

The life Janie got was even more than she dreamed, and to me that shows God's goodness in the book.