Dangerous Thoughts.

Don't you love Pinterest? Plainly, it has everything. You want recipe ideas (or just food to stare at at 1AM *guilty*), tips on losing weight and exercises, craft ideas, every picture and idea you need for a wedding, and so much more. But one of my favorite things are the quotes you can find. They're limitless really, just like the entirety of the site itself. I saw one today and it really stuck with me.

I really really like this, obviously, since I'm writing a blog post on it.

But I really had to stop and think about why I liked it so much. The first time you read it, it might come off as insulting the person causing you the worry, but at the same time it could just be a wake up call for you.

From someone that has struggled their whole life with anxiety, this is a nice realization. I can't tell you how often I worry about what others see me as and how important it is for me to be well liked by others.

Now I don't go into the whole "let me do this really stupid thing because everyone else calls it cool" but in general I try to relate to others in a way that forms a friendship. Whenever people aren't open to what I've tried to do to be friendly bam worry hits. 

What do they think about me?

Did that sound as stupid as I think it did?

What if they say mean things about me to others?

Typing it out like this without giving you a real scenario is making this sound much worse than it would if I gave an example, but that could take days.

The whole point is, is that person probably isn't thinking that. The thing I'm worrying about probably isn't happening and the only reason I end up hurting is because of myself. 

Thinking can be so absurdly dangerous.

Getting to a point of erasing these thoughts is going to be hard, but I am really trying to get there. I suppose it has something to do with a lack in confidence which I really want to work on. But also in general, just relaxing and not worrying about things that 1) Don't matter 2) Most likely aren't happening anyways.

I will always be on a search for peace in life.

The reassuring thing is I follow a King that can provide all the things that I'm lacking in myself. It takes time and dedication to that relationship to have a good one with myself, and a consistent one with anyone else for that matter.

I will listen to what God the LORD will say; he promises peace to his people, his saints-- but let them not return to folly. Psalm 85:8

Stop Tolerating.

This might just be the presumed easiest thing for me. If I don't like something, I change it. I don't tolerate negative things in my life, especially because I am now in a position in age where I really have the control. Nearing 20, no longer with my parents, and I pay my own bills. I am in control of my life and I have no one to blame for the negativity except myself (if there is any).
I have examples up my belt of times I did tolerate the things I had in life, but really that's just touching on negativity in my life and I'd rather talk about the good decisions.

This summer I got a promotion I had worked my butt off for, and I expected life to be magically better with this new title. Somehow I didn't stop and really think about all the new responsibility that was going to be on my shoulders. Long, over-dramatic story short, I stepped down. I was afraid to tell family and to really tell myself, but in the end I wasn't going to tolerate the way that position made me feel. I mean, I was a train wreck and totally not myself, and I've gotten to where I like myself so why throw that away all for that? I'm not saying that position is never going to happen for me, but just not right now with moving out and seriously sitting down and planning my future.

I don't really know if that's a good enough example, honestly I'm really tired right now and should be asleep anyways. So good night, and I hope you're able to fix whatever it is that you may be tolerating.