Reactions.

I hate to start this off with bad news, but my grandpa passed away yesterday. I couldn't bring myself to see him on his last day, for me that's not how I want to remember him. When you know someone with dementia I think you understand better that most of the time not seeing them is easier than seeing them. I hope that doesn't sound selfish or mean, trust me, I absolutely love my grandpa and I'm missing him very much. I think I already had so many bad memories with him because of the dementia that I didn't want to add anything onto that.

The last time I went to see him it was just me and Walker, that was the only time I went and visited him without one of my parent's or family members, and he was in the hospital. I was so scared of seeing him, of him not remembering me. We got there and he was getting tests done, and at that point I almost left. I'm really glad now that I didn't. I waited about 30 minutes or so and went back to find him and he was in his room sleeping. That's my last memory with him, and compared to the ones before it, that was good. Any time I saw him awake I could feel his pain, and I'm glad the last time I saw him wasn't that way.

Yesterday I was right by my mama when she got the call that he had died. I'm glad at least I got to be with her for that, really glad actually. Today I'm going with her and my dad  to visit my grandma for a bit. I think the most important thing is just being there for each other right now, so that's what I plan on doing.

I think probably the best thing my family has to hold onto him by are his paintings. He did portraits of almost all of us and our significant others. It's just really really cool to have that. The above picture is my favorite one I've seen of his, it was in my bedroom at my parents house and after last night I brought it back to my apartment. He's with me always, I will forever have this painting, and one day pass it onto my kids.

Mark 7

That Which Defiles

"'Nothing outside a person can defile them by going into them. Rather, it is what comes out of a person that defiles them.'" Mark 7:15.

I think that verse can speak hugely to people my age. I know so many of us, myself included, tend to blame our upbringing for our attitudes and opinions. I think for the early years of our lives that may be a valid excuse, there isn't much we can do when it comes to changing our own lives while having a lack of control of what goes on in it, but once you hit 16 or 17 I think it should switch. You are growing up. You can no longer blame your parents for the fights, but instead you should find a way to love them through them and end them. Life happens. A lot of what happens on the outside is out of our control, but when it comes to our reactions and what we say, we have full control over that. That's the reminder that this is supposed to give.

I hope that people can find hope in this as I do though, I didn't mean for my first paragraph to be so harsh. But think, we have the ability to change ourselves. It may seem impossible on our own, but that's why we should align ourselves with Jesus and that is where true change comes from.

Jesus Honors a Syrophoenican Woman's Faith

To be completely honest to me this didn't make a whole lot of sense. The main thing I got from it is that the woman learned to put her children first, no matter what state they are in. I think she was terrified of her daughter (she was possessed by an impure spirit) and did what she thought she needed to by not feeding her, but Jesus reminded her of the importance of taking care of her own.

Jesus Heals a Deaf and Mute Man

These kinds of stories are my favorite. Jesus does huge, unimaginable things. It makes me wonder why so many of us doubt he can alter our lives and change and help us. Again he asked no one to talk of it but they did, while going on about how amazed they are by his doings.

The Power of Belief

I got some really bad news today. My grandpa is getting taken off of his medication and moved into a hospice. They don't know how long it will be until he leaves us, but they know it will be soon. My heart is broken right now. Yesterday I knew something was up because my mom was upset, but all she told me was that he had a really bad day when she visited him. Then today she texted me and asked when I was working, I told her, and she told me to call her afterwards. Me being the antsy person I am had to know what was going on right then and there so I called and she told me the news I just shared with you. I couldn't help but start crying on my drive to work while talking to her, and I thought I could fight through it at work..at least for a couple of hours. All I knew is that there are only two managers than I can't really fake anything around, like they know the minute something is wrong with me at work, and of course one of them was the one to greet me when I walked in. I saw her and just lost it..she let me go home. All the afternoon I probably the most inconsistent I've been in a while. I'd cry and cry and cry, then be somewhat okay...start thinking again and the tears came back. I love my grandpa so much. I don't think I've ever seen him really angry and he's only been helpful and loving to me and my family my whole life. I'm just not sure what to think..how to feel. I don't think anyone knows in these situations.

The worst part is, is now I feel that I'm playing a waiting game. I know one day soon I'm going to be getting a call from a family member letting me know he isn't with us anymore. I feel that sadness may be with me for a good while.

This is me and my grandpa when I think I was even younger than a year old. He's loved me my whole life, and I'm not sure how things will be without him..I don't want to know.

Mark 6:1-29

A Prophet Without Honor

I can relate to this part in so many ways. Basically Jesus came back to his hometown to preach and they all doubted him, saying he was related to "normal" people...there's no way he is actually doing this. It goes on into accusing him rather than listening to him and giving him a chance. When I first became a Christian and really tried to work on myself it was extremely hard around my family. I'm not going to go into detail, but I feel like I was being watched constantly, like some of my family members were ready to watch me fall and point it out. Even Jesus in this situation knew "He could not do any miracles there, except lay his hands on a few sick people and heal them." Mark 6:5. I think a huge part of that is when someone doubts you it's like you're already cut short. Jesus is always ready to work for us, but we have to believe he can actually do these things.

Jesus Sends Out the Twelve

This is really cool to me, it's simple part for sure, but if you look at it in more detail it's just like when God sends us out on missions. He creates us with a purpose, but sends us out when we are really ready and gives us the abilities and needs that we require on these callings. It's just cool to relate what he did with the twelve with what I see Him doing in myself and peers around me as well.

John the Baptist Beheaded

I guess this is the first crazy story for me to actually sit down and read. Most of the time when I read the Bible it's things like Psalm, Proverbs, etc. which are still awesome for sure, but Mark is more story oriented. It's sad to see the evil and jealousy in people, especially to the extent of wanting someone dead..much less having their head brought to you on a platter. But I'm glad to see that the disciples took care of what they could when it came to John's remains.

Side note: Please keep me and my family in your prayers. We really, really need them.