Walking on Water.

Finally, I have two days off in a row with little to nothing planned in them besides chores! It's funny, I keep sitting here wondering what I work tomorrow, I'm so used to only one day, and then I get the happy realization that I don't! Not that I hate work, but hardly every do I get time off and have nothing to do with it.

About my grandpa, all I know is that he is moved into the hospice. It's hard in times like these. No one can really help, it's just something that is going to happen.

Yesterday I had my cheat meal. It was one of my favorite things ever: Rosa's bean and cheese burritos. Oh my goodness they are so good. I usually have a cheat day, but I think for the sake of getting back on track from the past two months, I'm going to limit myself to a cheat meal once a week. I plan on going for a run later on today and just doing some yoga tomorrow. I get so nervous about running outside, which I think is kind of silly for myself, but I really don't like working out in public areas (gyms and me are no bueno unless they have a bunch of separation and rooms) so it's hard for me to motivate myself. But the weather is SO pretty and with winter coming today might just be the last day I get to go outside. I need to take advantage of it!

I feel like I haven't said too much about Walker lately, but we're doing well! Our relationship is trying to find balance (can you tell from my last blog posts that me and balance aren't well acquainted?) in many ways. Not only do I struggle with my own worries, but Walker feels them too, same as I feel his. Personal balance is key towards a relationship I think. All in all, the growth we feel together is tremendous, and it simply takes time.

Mark 6:30-56

Jesus Feeds the Five Thousand

It's really really cool to read this after doing the Feast of Sharing this past week. I know I mentioned at times my heart was hardened towards others, but just imagine how that experience could of been even better if I had realized the chance God had given me that day the whole shift. I hope that next time I get a chance like this I really take it and run with it with a a full heart ready to serve. I have no doubt in my mind that Jesus was in that place, something so great and so giving could not be done without him.

Jesus Walks on the Water

One of the passages I've heard about many times I've finally read. I think the thing that stuck out to me the most is that as soon as Jesus sat down with those in the boat the winds calmed. While they saw him walking they saw a ghost and were scared, only making things worse. But when he seemed real to them and sat in the boat everything was at peace.

I challenge you to apply that to your life today!

The Power of Belief

I got some really bad news today. My grandpa is getting taken off of his medication and moved into a hospice. They don't know how long it will be until he leaves us, but they know it will be soon. My heart is broken right now. Yesterday I knew something was up because my mom was upset, but all she told me was that he had a really bad day when she visited him. Then today she texted me and asked when I was working, I told her, and she told me to call her afterwards. Me being the antsy person I am had to know what was going on right then and there so I called and she told me the news I just shared with you. I couldn't help but start crying on my drive to work while talking to her, and I thought I could fight through it at work..at least for a couple of hours. All I knew is that there are only two managers than I can't really fake anything around, like they know the minute something is wrong with me at work, and of course one of them was the one to greet me when I walked in. I saw her and just lost it..she let me go home. All the afternoon I probably the most inconsistent I've been in a while. I'd cry and cry and cry, then be somewhat okay...start thinking again and the tears came back. I love my grandpa so much. I don't think I've ever seen him really angry and he's only been helpful and loving to me and my family my whole life. I'm just not sure what to think..how to feel. I don't think anyone knows in these situations.

The worst part is, is now I feel that I'm playing a waiting game. I know one day soon I'm going to be getting a call from a family member letting me know he isn't with us anymore. I feel that sadness may be with me for a good while.

This is me and my grandpa when I think I was even younger than a year old. He's loved me my whole life, and I'm not sure how things will be without him..I don't want to know.

Mark 6:1-29

A Prophet Without Honor

I can relate to this part in so many ways. Basically Jesus came back to his hometown to preach and they all doubted him, saying he was related to "normal" people...there's no way he is actually doing this. It goes on into accusing him rather than listening to him and giving him a chance. When I first became a Christian and really tried to work on myself it was extremely hard around my family. I'm not going to go into detail, but I feel like I was being watched constantly, like some of my family members were ready to watch me fall and point it out. Even Jesus in this situation knew "He could not do any miracles there, except lay his hands on a few sick people and heal them." Mark 6:5. I think a huge part of that is when someone doubts you it's like you're already cut short. Jesus is always ready to work for us, but we have to believe he can actually do these things.

Jesus Sends Out the Twelve

This is really cool to me, it's simple part for sure, but if you look at it in more detail it's just like when God sends us out on missions. He creates us with a purpose, but sends us out when we are really ready and gives us the abilities and needs that we require on these callings. It's just cool to relate what he did with the twelve with what I see Him doing in myself and peers around me as well.

John the Baptist Beheaded

I guess this is the first crazy story for me to actually sit down and read. Most of the time when I read the Bible it's things like Psalm, Proverbs, etc. which are still awesome for sure, but Mark is more story oriented. It's sad to see the evil and jealousy in people, especially to the extent of wanting someone dead..much less having their head brought to you on a platter. But I'm glad to see that the disciples took care of what they could when it came to John's remains.

Side note: Please keep me and my family in your prayers. We really, really need them.