22.

Hey there! It's been so long since I last posted, so forgive me if I'm a little rusty at this. I was on Timehop a couple of days ago and my blog "21" showed up as being posted a year ago and I honestly couldn't believe it. It doesn't feel like my birthday is so close, and that in two weeks I'll be turning 23. It gave me the itch to write again, and to write about my year as a 22 year old.

I won't lie, when I turned 22 I wasn't necessarily in a "happy" place. School was starting to overwhelm me, my workplace was filled with highs and lows, my parents had just recently moved two hours away, and I was still stuck in the feeling of aloneness. And guys, being alone scares me to death. As 2015 came to a close I found myself in a state of depression for the first time since high school. I had never been depressed while knowing God, and I really couldn't figure out how I had gotten there.

I prayed to God to give me a word, or a phrase to hold onto as 2016 began. I heard so clearly, rest. 2016 was going to be my year of rest. Now, you try telling a 22 year old girl who is working full time, going to school full time, married, and in a dark place that she will have a year of rest. I just didn't see how it was possible, but holding onto that one word gave me hope that maybe some good things were coming my way. Maybe I could catch a break.

Walker and I went on a wonderful vacation this year in the Spring, but even that didn't go as planned. We were going to stay with some of my family for the first 4 days in Tennessee, 2 days on our own in Nashville, and 1 day on the way back in Hot Springs. Our original plan crumbled, to no one's fault, and to make a long story short that meant we had to find somewhere to stay for the first 4 days. We could have just stayed home, but I knew in my heart that I had to get out of town for a little bit, I needed a different space. Some of Walker's family were so incredibly kind and let us stay with them in Hot Springs, Arkansas for the first 4 days of our week long vacation. These were people I had never met, and that Walker hadn't seen since he was a little boy. When we pulled up to their house and I saw the peaceful, quiet, restful atmosphere I knew right then that God was going to heal me while there. And He did. I had such a special time with Walker and his family, and the rest of our vacation was busy but so fun. So needed.

Over the next few months the Lord started shifting things in my life. I felt so clearly it was time to seek out a new church home. I was mad at God about that, Walker and I had been going to ours for 2 years and it's where we really started building our Christ-centered foundation. We were comfortable. I talked with Walker about it and we both agreed that we would try out new churches and if we didn't feel anything from other places, we would just stay there. Pretty quickly after I talked with a friend and she invited me to come to her church. We went for the first time on Easter Sunday, and continued going. I started hearing messages that lined up directly with where I was at in life and knew this was where God wanted me.

April was a huge, beautiful, challenging month. One of those reasons was because I went on a youth retreat, and I swear I got more out of it than the kids. Again I found myself in a beautiful, quiet, restful atmosphere and here it was 100% about serving God and hearing His word. This was another step into healing. Then, a week later I had this huge assignment due. The requirement was that I had to write a paper breaking down a painful moment in my life, and what exactly made me feel that way. Still healing from my recent depression, it was easy to find something to write about. It went in depth on why the moment was happening and what about it felt personal. I've always been one to take things personally, and this assignment actually changed my life. I truly believe this was the last step I had to take to be pulled out of my depression. God works through everything, even school assignments. My soul was at rest.

Following quickly after that I was sitting in church and heard so clearly (and so out of the blue) from the Lord, "I want you to quit your job." And honestly, I did want to quit. I didn't feel like I was really being used the way God intended me to be and my days there were very inconsistent. I flat out said no to God. And I kept saying no to God every single time I'd hear this from Him...which was a lot. I finally told Walker and I was in tears as I did, because I was so scared that he would actually be okay with this. You see, my deal with God was that if Walker said yes I would do it. There was no way I'd make this big of a life change without Walker backing it. Guess what...Walker told me to do it and that He knew the Lord would bring something our way. So I did it. On May 5th I turned in my two weeks with no other job lined up, just a lot of faith in the Lord and what he was doing. Let me just tell you that having faith in those times where we are challenged to step out is so much better than any worldly sense of security you could find.

About a week and a half later I got offered an internship with our old church over the summer. I also go told that our local pregnancy aid center was in need of an assistant in the education department. I applied right away and started praying over this position. At the same time I was applying to multiple places, about 3-5 a day. Most of the time I was at home, and I got the full force of that rest the Lord told me He would give me. I got time to enjoy my home, enjoy my marriage, enjoy my life. I hadn't been doing that enough. No better way to be thankful for what you have when it's all that you have.

Over about 6 weeks I got offered 2 other jobs, but they just didn't feel right. I kept holding out for the pregnancy center, which was unable to give me an answer for weeks because the director was out on Sabbatical. God asks us to do some crazy things that just don't make sense to other people, and turning down job offers while seriously needing a job was one of those crazy things I held to. I trusted that God would provide, and He did. I got offered the job at Next Step Women's Center and I have never enjoyed work more. I am so blessed to be there, where I am encouraged daily in my faith, and where I get to touch others as God works through me.

Walker and I celebrated our 2 year anniversary in Austin recently, and it was so good to get away with Him after all the alterations that had been made in our lives. I can honestly say that Walker is my biggest blessing, and 2016 has been shaping him into an even better man...which I didn't think was possible in the first place.

You can see how 22 was a year of what some may see as madness and full of change, huge changes. But I see it as a year of growth and a year of rest. I've grown so much closer to God, and I realized it wasn't that I needed to catch a break at all, it's that I needed to slow down and trust that His promises are true and good.

He is my healer, my comfort, and my refuge. I encourage you to trust in Him even when other's say it's crazy, and even when you may think it's crazy too. His plan is better than any we could ever dream up, which means the roads to getting there will not be predictable. It's not about knowing the directions, but trusting  that the Lord knows where He is taking you. My friends, it is a beautiful journey.

I am so excited to see what 23 has to hold.

When You are Called to Counsel

I have always enjoyed getting to know people. I love hearing people's stories and backgrounds, and getting to hear why they are who they are. I've also always been someone people confide in. Most of the time it just happened, and I didn't really think too much of it. Now I see it as a blessing that people feel comfortable enough to be vulnerable with me. More than a blessing, being someone to confide in, is my calling.

I took an AP psychology class in high school. It was the first AP I had ever taken and it was the first semester for this teacher to teach it. I had it set in my heart I was one day going to be a psychologist. I wanted to help people. We started talking about the science of it all, and only the science. There were models and systems and exact reasons why people thought the way they did. I saw it becoming less about the person and more about the process of fixing them. At this moment, I lost my passion.

Into college I became obsessed with nutrition. I wanted to get all of the knowledge I could to help people be a better version of themselves and to help them live their life to the fullest. Again, I found myself wrapped up in science. (Can you tell it's not my strongest point?) Nutrition does center around science, we can't know how a food affects our bodies without proper studies and tests. I lost my passion again.

I then went to the easy choice for myself, to be a teacher. I am not saying teaching is an easy job, in fact I know it's the opposite, but it was always my fall back plan. I knew I had a love for helping others, I was good at English and liked to write, and I wanted to work with seniors as they begin to think about their life and where they really want to go. So Ms. Kennedy/Mrs. Hemnes it was.

Then something changed. I had been looking into attending SAGU and I saw counseling as a major. Not only counseling, but counseling ministries. Something immediately tugged at my heart. I prayed on it a lot, and I sometimes fought it. How could someone with a past like mine be qualified to counsel others? Doubts. They overwhelmed me. But I felt a yearning in my heart for this, and for the first time something felt right and like it could fit.

I'm now in my second semester of school at SAGU. I plan on taking 30 hours this year total. I am absolutely loving my classes, and instead of what they did in the past (turn me away from the desired profession) I find myself running towards them, excited to hear lectures I can relate to and enjoy. It is the most amazing thing to be in this place.

I think vulnerability is a beautiful thing. Elisabeth Shue said, "I understand now that the vulnerability I've always felt is the greatest strength a person can have. You can't experience life without feeling life. What I've learned is that being vulnerable to somebody you love is not a weakness, it's a strength." As a counselor these people will not know me outside of these sessions. For some it is easier to be vulnerable with a stranger than someone you love, but my hope is that whatever stories I hear they realize they are what can make them strong and beautiful rather than weak and fragile. 

I am so excited for how God will use me in other people's lives. I have to think about my own as well, too. If you're reading this and you have a similar heart, I know that it gets heavy often. So many times throughout the day I am depending on God to use me for other people. I come home on fire for God and what He did that day, do my normal Bible study, and sleep. I still give all glory to God, but sometimes I correlate God using me and just resting in God as the same thing when they are not. If there is one thing I could say to someone wanting to help others (in any way) it is that your time with God is the most important counseling session you will have. It needs to happen frequently, or you will be empty. In a job that serves others it is vital to remember you can rest in God. 

I strive to always be there for people when they need me but sometimes I find that so hard to believe is possible in someone else, even God! What a thought. That God doesn't have time for me, is bored of me, or He only wants to be included in the parts where I'm sharing the good news. If you catch yourself having those thoughts I'd encourage you to have time of worship, my favorite song for these moments is How Can it Be by Lauren Daigle. Because that's exactly what I am thinking in those moments, how can someone love me THIS much without ceasing? What a beautiful love story and hope to hold onto. 

I am so excited about what God will use me for in life. But I am learning to be equally excited and to accept the love that is always readily available and never empties. 

"the Lord appeared to him from far away. 'I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you.'" Jeremiah 31:3

21.

My whole life I've been about pleasing people. Making sure my actions were the right ones, my words the ones they wanted to hear. But the older I got the more I realized I was draining myself, and that I didn't really know who I was because almost all that I did in life was for affirmation from others. God did something about that this past year of my life.

I've read it before, of people crashing and burning when the world stops dishing out the compliments and gets harsh. Usually it's right out of high school, but mine took a little time. I'm about to turn 22 and the past year of being 21 has been the hardest of my life.

The only way I can describe it is it felt like people were purging from my life, and the ones left in it were not the kindest I've ever known. When I say purging, I mean I lost people. Friendships broke and weakened, and my strongest ones moved away. Even my parents left.

I remember thinking, why would God leave me alone like this? I can't live like this, I can't thrive with no one here. He knows that, He knows that I have built my life around being the "good" one, but what happens when that doesn't matter anymore?

I never realized as I was trying to keep people happy that I was building a tremendous amount of pride within myself that grew the more compliments I got. That pride was also a wall between myself and God. 21 has been the year God said, "It's time to take down that wall."

I felt like I was in a corner. With no one new coming into my life to fill the gaps that opened as people left I found myself trapped in my world that I had never looked at for myself, but always others. I was sad a lot of the time, and incredibly hopeful that each new friend that would walk into my life would be the friend God was blessing me with to finally balance out those who had left. I clung to them, to that idea, instead of clinging to God. If you haven't already figured it out, that led to my downfall.

I found myself in a pit. It had been a while since I dug one for myself, and this was probably the deepest I had ever made one considering I had been digging my whole life and didn't even realize it. I couldn't get out, I was so full of self pity, and kept telling everyone that the only thing I needed was a good friend.

It took a solid year for me to open my eyes to the thought of God being that friend for me. A year of hurting, loneliness, and brokenness. I sat on my back porch as it poured and asked God to give me something to let me know that I am not alone, and that I never was.

What I got was Psalm 56:8


At the moment of reading that I felt my heart lighten. I had cried alone so many times the past year wondering when I would have someone who understood me, would be there for me, and welcome me to be there for them.

Every time God was there.

He is that friend for me now. When I hurt, when I'm filled with joy, when I'm frustrated, I run to him. I had such a painful and difficult year filled with loss, but for someone who has such a need to please people I needed to see what life was like with no one to please. Just God.

Since this time I've had to watch myself even closer, and practice the self-control God has given me. I feel like myself, something I don't think I've ever known before.

 I have a heart that cares for people but doesn't find my worth in how they treat me, because I know my worth is in Jesus. I feel Jesus in me, letting me be free of the expectations of this world and able to really love others, not just please them.

"For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ" Galations 1:10

300 Days Married.

I had to take a look back at my last post, 200 days married, to see where life stopped at that moment. I think these sets of 100 days get more and more eventful, I'm catching on that that's just how life is.

To start, April 9th made 200 days and tomorrow, July 18th will make 300.

When I was last writing, it was right before I shared my testimony with the youth group. That moment of sharing went amazingly well, and I am so surprised by how God uses and pushes me to share the good news of being saved. The steps God has me going in are bright and promising.

In May I got a new job, a big girl job I like to call it haha! It's at Keller Williams, and it's been  really great move in my life. It was so very hard to leave HEB, but it was time. Being in an office environment vs. retail is incredibly different (no duh, right?), but again, I feel God pushing me in a new challenging time of my life and making me get out of my comfort zone because that is where we grow.

I got accepted into SAGU for Counseling Ministries, and will start back at school in the fall. After a year off I'm very nervous, but ready, to go back to school. I love school and I love even more that I finally found the major I'm called into being.

Walker and I bought a house. Yep. We bought a freaking house!! How amazing is that? It was such a stressful time, but it all worked out and we are still in the process of moving. As of today it's been a week since we closed. This is probably the most surreal thing that has happened in the past 100 days. We bought a house that has only ever been in my dad's family. They were the first to live in it in 1970, and we are now the 3rd generation to own it. Buying a home had a ridiculous amount of ups and downs, but man this makes all the lows more than worth it. Also, along with the house we adopted another sweet puppy named Ladybird. Still adjusting to her in the house, but  gosh she's so good!

I went through, no..I'm still going through, a really hard realization for myself. I crave relationships with people. I love to get to know people, to let them know they're important, and to love on others. But sometimes/all the time I do that and I put them in front of my time with God. This entire year has been incredibly painful for me concerning friendships. Let down after let down, whether it was big things with the wedding, or just being left out of outings, it has been a very challenging season. But as this year of hurt comes to a full circle, I am beginning to see the purpose. It is not healthy to put any relationship with someone before my friendship with the Lord. I may have lost some, but I am gaining closeness to Jesus, and I know there are better things ahead.

Walker has been amazing these past 100 days. Seriously, he's been wonderful. Whether it's been surprising me with dates or with unpacked boxes, he's been the very best. It's amazing to hear him talk about God and share his faith with others, Walker a year ago wouldn't of done that.

There's going to be so much going on in this next part of my life, these next 100 days. Walker and I will have our 1 year anniversary (what?!) and I'll be starting school. Beauty is on the horizon. I'm holding Jer 29:11 close as the plans for my life continue to unfold.

200 Days Married.

At 100 days of being married to Walker I wrote a sappy instagram post on how those days had been. Now that we're a few days over 200 I wanted to share the changes and events we encountered, and sometimes insta just doesn't cut it, so here's a blog post.

We reached 100 days on December 30th of last year, and 200 on April 9th of 2015. A LOT has changed and we've been busy.

Firstly, we attended two weddings, one of which we were both in!

Jessica and Cody on February 28th, 2015

Hannah and Skyler on March 14th, 2015

Going to weddings as a married couple is really refreshing. The ceremony hits me and takes me back to the day we got married, and let's be honest, I cry a lot when I think about that sweet day. But really, it is so nice to go to weddings and be in a room centered around love. We are so thankful for both of these couples and the friendship they bring us!

Also, I started working with the youth group at the beginning of this year. It's amazing how big of an impact working with teens can have on your own life personally. The willingness they have to bring God into their struggles is inspiring to me, I know I struggled a lot with that in high school. God did something in my life, which I talked about a lot more in my last blog post, but I felt led to share my testimony with the youth group. So next Wednesday on the 15th I will be doing that, please be praying for me and the group!

We had our first Valentine's as a married couple!

Guys, Walker did SO good! I remember money being tight around this time and he still managed to go all out for me. I could really tell his heart was in it, and it wasn't forced Valentine's gifts or expectations, but he really did want to  surprise me and show he loved me in a way him and I usually don't. The wedding cake candies really made it perfect :)

God really showed just how good He is with a new friendship in these past few days, with Hannah.

If there is one thing Walker and I had prayed and prayed and prayed and PRAYED for it was friendship. Young people our age with a heard for Jesus. Well, I ended up working in floral around Valentine's day and I got to work with Hannah for the first time in a LONG while. We talked about where our lives were at and decided to go have dinner. Within that same week we ended up going and getting a bible study to do together. I am so blessed by this friendship, and Walker is as well by his friendship with Brandon. You two have no idea what good you have brought into our lives, but I hope we can show you throughout our fun days together. We love you!

Me and Walker went on a lot of dates this time around and I think that's really important when you're married. Sometimes those dates are late night trips to taco bell, a home cooked dinner, or a nice restaurant trip to our new found love, Chimy's. But I think we really made it a point to spend more time together and it's made a huge impact on our marriage.

Walker got a job promotion! This is a huge deal for us. It's been hard mentally and physically on him trying to figure out where God wants him to be. Through job interviews within the company and outside as well I know Walker felt lost at some points, but God's timing is always perfect, and I have to say this was for us! Thankful for hardworking guy, and the fact that he has something new to do at work and has gotten respect that he has deserved!

We celebrated Easter by going to the service at church Saturday night and spending time with both sides of family on Sunday. A year ago we walked into that church not sure what to expect, and a year later we have a church home. I cannot say enough how blessed we are! 

So, that's pretty much it for the past 100 days! They haven't all been easy, but man it surely has been a season of blessings. Thank you for reading, and please keep us in your prayers!!

Unfailing Love.

Do you ever look back in life and realize things worked out, even though at the time you swore they wouldn't? Lately I have been tremendously overwhelmed by the beauty that my life is.

Last Sunday I heard a direct word from God, and He was telling me I needed to share my testimony with the youth group. I've been working with the youth since January, so not terribly long, but long enough to know faces and a few stories/personalities. Sharing my testimony is a big deal. There's a lot of hurt in my story, as I'm sure there is in yours. 

I'm not a closed off person by any means. I can sit and talk about my life and tell someone every detail, but usually I've hung out with them enough to share the parts of me that are a little deeper than others. To just flat out share my story with young kids going through so many of the similar struggles as I did is exciting, but terrifying at the same time.

When I heard from God I basically asked back, "Are you sure I'm ready for that?" God came back with a pretty big yes and I realized, I'm not one to question in the first place. 

When I got home, I told Walker what I heard and started crying. All the fear of being raw and open with people who didn't even know my name hit me. What would the leaders think of me? The kids? How would this change my presence at church?

And then I stopped worrying because I realized how ridiculous that is. A testimony is supposed to be honest, true, and open. God's grace refreshed me with the truth that HE made all things work together in the best timing. 

What followed was a beautiful awareness to the life I'm living. If you had told me in my past that I'd be where I am, even as soon as just a year ago, I really don't know if I would have believed you. But it's once I started believing that God was able to do the things I thought I only dreamed of that those things happened.

So in this same conversation with Walker my tears stemmed from fear turned to tears of joy because God is just so good.

Then today I listened to The Breaker's Commission by For Today. I listened to this song at 18 and cried because I wanted so badly to know, REALLY know the power of God and the confidence in the words. This morning at work I was brought to tears (I'm sure that looked super awesome to the night stockers haha!) as I listened for the first time in years knowing His peace, His presence, and the freedom that comes along with having a relationship with Jesus.

So please, pray for me and the time I will be sharing my testimony with the youth. Pray over mine and Walker's future as we grow in the Lord and with each other. 

And please let me know if I can pray for you.

Book Review: Their Eyes were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston.

For a 190 page book this dang thing definitely took me what felt like forever to finish, let me tell you why.

I. Could. Not. Get. Into. It.

That is, for the first 12 or so chapters. I put this book down and thought, "Well, good job Savannah, you held to your goal of a book every month for two whole months!" I seriously thought this book was going to be the one that ruined my reading streak.

Eventually, I made myself pick it back up and I am so glad that I did.

When I shared on instagram (follow me at savannahhemnes) that I was reading this I was surprised by how many people praised it. At the time I posted I was maybe 5 chapters in and way thrown off by the dialect of the book. 

This book is very southern, and touches VERY heavily on the topic of race. If I'm being honest I usually stay away from books like this, not because I don't enjoy them, but I also don't like a lot of opinions thrown in my face. This book did a beautiful job of not doing that while still hitting it right on the mark with racial issues. 

I think another reason I had a hard time getting into it is because I felt so bad for the main character, Janie, and it took so long for her to find something that she deserved. Probably about chapter 14 and on I got really into the story and felt really happy with the direction it was going. 

The ending bummed me the heck out, but it was beautiful. The story shows a woman who has been through life experiences that hinder her thought of love, until a younger man comes and shows her what it really means. I loved reading it and seeing redemption in her heart.

I rated this book 4 out of 5 stars on goodreads. I just couldn't get into over half of the first half, but man I got into the last quarter. I'd definitely recommend this to others, but also forewarn them of the dialect and the fact it isn't a page turner really until your over halfway in (in my opinion of course), but those last chapters are worth the entire book. To be fair, you do need those first few chapters, they're just really frustrating because I found myself wanting Janie to have the good life she deserved.

The life Janie got was even more than she dreamed, and to me that shows God's goodness in the book.

Book Review: The Beginning of Everything by Robyn Schneider.

I'm going to start this off by saying I haven't read a YA book in quite some time. Also, after reading a book so moving as Les Miserables I'm not sure if my expectations were too high, or if the beginning of this book is really cheesy and hard to get through.

In the story you follow Ezra around, a now senior in high school that got into a severe car accident the spring semester of junior year. It caused him to have to walk using a cane and lose friends, or at least contact with them.

The beginning to me was so very hollow. Once popular boy got hurt and now has to live injured and make new friends and deal with the old ones judging him. I was really turned off by it. But I kept reading, and it got a little worse. You meet Cassidy who is what is so popular in our culture now as the quirky weird girl that likes thrift stores.

The plotline isn't really the best, but I did really like the humor in it. It's kind of goofy, but it's admitted as being so in the book. The characters grow up a LOT, and at the end Ezra says he's writing it from college, which leads to a small reflection of his time he wrote about. That was my favorite part because it was very real, and almost challenges you to become who you want to be.

It also caused me to reflect on my time in high school, and let me tell you, it was a very calming thing to do. All the drama just feels so little now, but it did give me something to relate with the character with.

So yes, it was cheesy, but in a lovable YA way. And the ending wasn't what I expected at all, and I kind of liked that. I rated it 3 stars out of 5 on goodreads and I'll stand by that. It wasn't great, but it was a fun read.

Book Review: Les Miserables by Victor Hugo

 One of my goals for myself in the new year was to read more. I tend to read like...well, kind of like I do everything else in my life. I get really into it and read a few books, get to the middle of one, and put it down about halfway through. I'd like to say that life feels like it really gets in the way and at least with reading it gets put on the back burner for me because it's definitely not something I HAVE to do while that list can be overwhelming at times. So, my goal for this year is one (or more, but one is reachable) book a month. In January I picked up the book that I had put down in my last reading phase and that was Les Miserables.

As I get older what I crave to read has changed. I used to like drama filled YA stories, which I can totally still get into, but I like to also mix up what I read. I had never seen the musical, much less knew much about the story other than what a friend mentioned to me one day at work (thanks Hannah ;]). When I started reading I didn't expect what I got.

This story gets you attached to a, at first, very unattachable character who has found himself wronged in life. As you keep reading you learn about how God used a man to teach him his worth in life. To me, this book was undeniably beautiful and a good reminder of how good God is. Maybe that's why I liked it so much, but I am infatuated with the idea of hope and that is something God brings to me and also something major in this book.

I think what I liked most about it, and actually didn't like at first, is how many coincidences there are. At first I felt kind of annoyed, thinking about how dull a story can get whenever there's so many times a "what are the chances of this?!" scenario happens. But as I thought about my journey with God and looked back on my life I realized how real that is. I find myself saying that often in my life and I can usually find God in those times that felt just like simple coincidences. So in the end, it made it very real to me.

I won't lie, I cried...and I cried a lot at the ending. My heart really hurt, but even in that it was a very satisfying ending. 

I definitely do recommend this book if:

You like deep, intertwined stories.

You loved the musical.

You're on a search for God or trying to deepen your relationship with Him.

I really can't think of any reasons to not recommend this at all, otherwise there would be a column for that as well.

Since February has started I've begun my second book and my goal is to have it read in the first two weeks. It's titled The Beginning of Everything by Robyn Schneider. A VERY different read from this so far, but I'll have another review later this month of it.

Thank you for reading,

Sav :)

30 Days of Thanks: Days 6 & 7.

Day 6: I am thankful for my nanny job.

I'm not sure if I can really describe how this has gone for me, but I'm going to try. I started this job in October and I honestly wasn't sure what exactly to expect from the kids. It turns out that they're great, they're awesome with homework, they're independent (but still like to have someone to play with and talk to), and all around are really honest and kind. There have been bumps, but I'm really thankful that the family I work for hears me out and will even give advice for me. I have no doubt God led me to this family and I can't wait to see where the road goes and what experiences I'll have with them along the way!

Day 7: I am so incredibly thankful for my husband.

If I was doing these thanks in order from what's first on my mind you would have seen Walker on the  very first post. I'm trying to go day by day and really pull thanks from each day specifically. Today just so happens to be two years since Walker asked me out on a date. I can't believe that two years ago this was all just beginning. Things with me and Walker aren't always perfect, we fight and struggle and sometimes push each other away. But we also love each other, fight for each other, and take care of one another through the hard times. I'm thankful we don't communicate in the same ways (you better believe I'll be looking at this as a reminder for when things get tough haha) because that challenges us into learning more about ourselves and each other. We're young and our lives are not settled, but even last night I found myself telling him it is so good to have someone here, a constant in a very fast paced life. We're still figuring this whole marriage thing out, and we probably will be for the rest of our lives. I'm just thankful I've got this awesome man that's willing to grow and learn with me.

30 Days of Thanks: Days 4-5

Day 4: I am thankful for YouTube.

I should probably back this up a little, right? I've been at home with pink eye the past 3 days (finallly able to go back to work today) so I've been bored as heck. I find myself watching YouTube videos most of the time, and I just love it. I love that it can range from fitness videos, to comedy, to beauty, and to personal vlogs. It's a really cool creation for people to share parts of themselves and be who they really are. That's what I like most about it, mostly everyone I watch has a really unique personality and YouTube allows them to show it.

Day 5: I am thankful for being able to work.

As I get ready for work this morning I'm eager to go. October was very crazy and up and down for me job wise. Then when it returns to normal I catch pink eye for the first time. This whole year has been hard on me health wise, which I think I mentioned when I said I was thankful for CareNow, but it wasn't up until right now that I really had the want to go back to work quickly. I am so glad to be able to go and make money and be surrounded by good people. I think I needed something like what happened in October to remind me of how good I have it, while still trying something new that has gone really well (HEB and nannying). So here we go back today, my eye is still pink, but I'm no longer contagious. Finally I can do something with my day!

30 Days of Thanks. Days 1-3

I've really missed blogging. I have quite a few ideas but all the topics are really deep and meaningful to me. I've started to type them out and it just didn't look right and I don't want to publish something that I don't feel confident in. What I've decided to do instead is do the 30 days of thanks I see every year on facebook. People post daily thanks, big or small, and explain why they're grateful for them. I'm assuming it started this month because of thanksgiving, I'm not really sure, but I thought it'd be nice for me to do this. Today is the 3rd of November so I'll be covering 3 days in this one post.

November 1st: I am thankful for my mom.

On Saturday I went to my mom's to see her and a couple of her friends she's had for years. She's always there for me, and when I say always I mean it. For a long time she was my rock, and I'm still learning to transition that more into depending on Jesus and Walker, but it's good to know that she is there for me. She isn't girly and doesn't understand some of the things I do or like, but she encourages my actions if she feels they are right for me. For that I cannot be thankful enough. Thank you for allowing me to grow and become who I need to, I hope when I have a child they can depend on me as much as I do on you. I love you mama.

November 2nd: I am thankful for CareNow.

Sounds really weird, huh? But really, I went there so many times this past year because of sickness, my hamstring, and now pink eye. Without the easiness of getting in and out of the doctor I'd probably be lost with setting up an actual appointment somewhere. It's fairly quick, even though I've had some pretty long wait times, I understand why and what they do.

November 3rd: I am thankful for a personal God.

This is something that I've learned through the past few months. I am so thankful for the time I get to spend with God. Usually I write out my feelings, prayers, really anything I feel I need to get out, and then I just talk to God about them. I'm thankful for a God that knows I struggle with anxiety, but offers peace. God knows me inside and out, Even when I mess up again and again He is still there, and that is the most reassuring fact I have ever known. I'm glad to know that I have a relationship with God and He wants that relationship to be as great as I want it to be.

I don't know how often I'll do these, daily seems a little much posting wise, but I will cover every day. Thank you for reading!

My Take on the Extrovert/Introvert Labeling.

There is something so heavy on my heart and has been there for the past month or so while dealing with friends that are labeling themselves as extroverts and introverts.

I relate very well to the extrovert side, meaning I love to be around people, to be busy all the time, and to stay active. Saying this, I do have a couple days a month where I completely collapse and do nothing all day because I'm so overwhelmed with how busy I keep myself. This also means a lot of what I do is very intense and involved. I don't let go of people easily and I stay in contact with friends to the best of my ability while also trying to convince them to hang out with me. 

Saying all of this, that's just one side of me. 

I like to read, have quiet and meditating time, and in general I am not a loud person. Sometimes people really bother me and get under my skin and I can't really explain why I don't want to be around them. Suddenly according to that I'm an introvert.

See, that's what I don't like. Any time I read anything that's like, how to handle me, the extrovert/introvert, this is what I process: Do I like that people feel the need to explain what they're feeling, yes, go for it and spill out your guts. But please, do not tell me that I just have to deal with you either being in my face all the time or randomly having nothing to do with me. I don't think either of those are very healthy.

I'm looking at so many blogs where people are saying this is how I am, I'm sorry, that isn't going to change...but at least I'm explaining it right? I say no. You're hurting others and only taking half of the responsibility. 

We are human, we are not always going to understand each other or ourselves.

There is growth to be had when you define yourself with one of these groups. I don't know about you, but when I hurt someone close to me, I feel awful and try to justify it. That's what I think all this labeling has become, a way to justify your actions. I think we are called to be bigger and better than that, to learn how to be in the middle of extrovert and introvert, but at the same time not lose who we are in that.

Maybe you're reading this and you totally hate me and I just don't understand you, but I think you need to be aware of the people closest to you that are having trouble understanding you and you are hurting.

I challenge you to not just sit and say this is who I am, but find balance in the middle. It's not just about you and what you think you are. 

Wedding Planning So Far.

So since it's 2:30 in the morning and I have to wait until 3 to wash off my self-tan stuff I figured I'd write a blog on how the wedding planning is going. A LOT of people ask me how it's going and I never know how to happily say, "I'm spending so much money but I'm excited" correctly.

Seriously though, so much money.

Walker and I aren't into fancy, over the top events, no matter what they are. We like to be ourselves and feel relaxed, so obviously when I started thinking about the wedding I had to keep that in mind. Sadly, my inner girl kicked and all I could think is how badly I wanted nearly everyone we work with there and how perfect it's all going to go and OMG I'M SO EXCITED.

Let me tell you something, for me, it has worn off to an extent. This isn't a bad thing in my eyes. I put an extensive 200 people guest list together that included people I saw maybe a couple times a week and talked to as an acquaintance. I started looking at venues and realized why weddings are typically so expensive. I had to seriously think about who I wanted in my bridal party and why. The list of things you have to think about go on and on and on and on AND ON AND ON. 

One day it hit me and all I could think was, "This is one day for me and Walker and I'm making it about other people." 

We're both going to be 20 whenever the wedding day comes. We don't have a house, we aren't working the job that we'll be working 10 years from now, and our income isn't bad but it isn't banking either. We are at one of the hardest times in our lives and we decide to get married in it. When I say hardest, I really only mean that whenever that awful realization sets in of, oh my gosh I'm 20 and I'm not entirely sure of what I want from life or when I'll be able to get a house or when I'll feel like I have it all figured out. Now earlier I kind of made a joke saying that we decided to get married while things are so tough, don't take that the wrong way. I'm honestly so glad that we are. If there's so much chaos in life and the unknown, I'm grateful to say one of the biggest steps of life will be known while I'm 20. It's easy to forget how lucky you are to have found the one whenever life gets in the way. I really think the wedding is perfect timing for us.

Now, back to the actual wedding planning. I had to really ask myself what was important to me and Walker. What do we care about and what do we not? It might sound selfish, but taking the time to actually plan your wedding for you rather than the guests I think will make it much more memorable for everyone down the road. It makes your wedding unique, it makes it yours. 

I chose a venue that is absolutely awesome, it's in a nice area of town and takes care of nearly everything for me on the day, I just show up with flowers for the tables. I cut my wedding list down from 200 to 130. So far, these are the only two big decisions I've made that I think have grown me so far, let me explain why. 

I have enough to worry about on my wedding day, and having someone else take care of most of the rest is fantastic (that was an easy explanation, huh?) Now the guest list. I really started to question what mattered to me and Walker now, and what will matter 10 years from now. I had to go through and see who we actually spend time with outside of work/school/etc. and if that relationship was good enough to think of them there on our wedding day. It was a very hard decision, but in the end I'm glad I made it.

Planning this wedding (with the help of my awesome bridal party and Walker) has made me grow up a lot. I never in a million years thought something like this would do that. But I feel like I know what's important to us as a couple and individuals for now and the future. I've gained confidence in our relationship because of these decisions.

Oh, and only 110 days until the wedding! :)

New Apartment Post!

So if you read the title correctly..or follow me on facebook, instagram, twitter, etc., or maybe you remember from my last blog that we were moving into a new place May 3rd (kudos to you...and slightly creepy of you for remembering :p) WE GOT A NEW APARTMENT!

What a week it has been though! Wednesday I was feeling extremely sick, so much so that I went to the doctor, which I haven't done in a very long time. Turns out I had an upper respiratory infection or something like that, all I know is the doctor told me it could turn into strep and it was good I came in that day. Unfortunately that meant missing two days of work, and with higher rent now I can't really afford that, so I picked up a shift for the Sunday after we moved in. Monday I had a final in one class and then went to finish Lord of the Rings in the other. Yes, my World Lit class was spent studying LOTR and I'm very okay with that. Then today Walker and I went to the old apartment to clean it, and I ended up laying on the ground with my face in a pillow because I was (and still am) 100% over this moving process. I just want to sleep a full day and watch House, is that too much to ask?

But, let me go over the more awesome things that have happened while moving! We had a ton of friends and family come help move us in which we are both incredibly grateful for. We now have almost double the square footage we had in our old place so in general things just feel better if that makes sense. Our apartment also came with a washer and dryer...we did 3 loads in the first day, partially from excitement and also from not wanting to use the community ones any longer haha! Things in this apartment are nicer, and I think without the studio apartment we might not of appreciated how nice this place really is. I don't regret that apartment, but I don't recommend it either :p

Oh, and Rocky and Minnie absolutely love it. Minnie was very skeptical at first but loves having the doorstops to play with, and Rocky loves ignoring us at the bark park while he sniffs everything else. The clubhouse has a gym in it and Walker said he would go with me once or twice a week to it and I've already held him to his word and made him go once. We also got our first dining table today, $50 from Goodwill for a table that can be extended and it came with 4 chairs, we did pretty good huh?!

It's just nice to come home to something nice. It makes working 40 hours a week much more worth it. 

I feel like Walker and I are pretty much on the same page when it comes to goals, and we have a lot. Here's a peak into them:

• get stuff together for the wedding (flowers, cake, invitations, etc.)
• save money like nobody's business
• possibly get a couch, but that'll probably take a while
• keep this place clean (having to go back and clean the old one reeeally sucked because we didn't take good enough care of it)
• and most importantly, grow in our relationship with God both individually and as a couple

Okay,after typing them out it doesn't seem like a ton, but they're all pretty big commitments that we want to take. So say some prayers for us to follow through with these things, and let us know if you want to come over and see the place..maybe wait a while so we can build our energy back up though :p

Also, I need some recipes. I have a few good ones but I'm always down to try something new. We love pretty much anything, except I loathe seafood.

Thanks for reading :)

Being Engaged.

Hey everyone!

So pretty much I tried to type this in a condensed version on a Facebook status but couldn't bring myself to word it right without it feeling too long for just a status update. That's why I love this blog, I can type forever and still not feel annoying haha.

Today was really awesome, Walker and I took our engagement photos. It hit me this month that our wedding will be happening in about five months. FIVE MONTHS. Seriously, nearly seven months ago Walker came home and proposed to me?! It feels like forever ago and just yesterday at the same time.

Now, I don't want to say that being engaged lost it's spark or importance, but being nineteen and twenty years old, our lives seem to be forever changing and little daily happenings can sometimes override the fact of a wedding that is happening further down the road.

Am I saying this right? I guess what I'm trying to say is being engaged just became normal. Not in a bad way, but not in a good way either. It's a really cool time in a relationship where all the ideas and dreams for you life are okay to think and aren't too out there because I mean hey, they're just ideas for now. But things like the move, work, etc. can sometimes get in the way of our thinking and valuing the state that we're in in life. We're about to get married. Like, changing my last name, gonna have babies with this guy one day, married.

I think being engaged can change a lot of things. 

I keep typing this all out and the words just don't make sense. I'm a little annoyed by that.

Whenever we got engaged I looked at everything in a more serious light. At first I would be afraid when we would argue because oh my goodness what if it's like this forever?! But at the same time when things would be awesome it's I can't wait to have this forever! Forever. That's what changes it. The idea of marrying Walker and being with him forever was always a thought and hope, and when it became real I over analyzed every little thing because, that my friends is what I do best.

I think now I'm to this point in the engagement that my hope for us is huge. One perk is us being so young, but in general there is so much confidence in our future together. The bad things have time to change, and we no longer have to feel like we're changing them all by ourselves. The good things will be there forever, and we'll have even more as the years go by.

Y'all, I'm so excited to see what God does in our relationship. 

I feel that we fit together like a two person puzzle, we challenge each other and help the other pursue their dreams or simply keep their fire going while all else seems dim.

This session today was a good reminder of the man I have in front of me and how blessed I am to have him. I think having the engagement session so late in the engagement helped us in that little plateau we were experiencing.

I love him, and I love being with him.

*sappy, slightly confusing and not well planned out post over*

Yay for a sneak peek of the session!!

Happy April!

I really can't believe this year is already a quarter of the way through. Nothing has really changed much in my life, which is a really weird thing for me to say because normally there's something new around every corner. It's definitely a blessing because my life needed a good rest. School, work, and time with family/friends/Walker are the things that are most important to me right now.

I'm going to take this post away from nutrition, and just talk about my life. I love journaling and writing down my days, I just get so bored writing down on a daily basis.

First off, the wedding! We have our venue, The Shady Valley Golf Club in Arlington, and it's pretty awesome and beautiful. Hopefully on that day we'll have nice enough weather to have it outside! I have my dress and shoes, and an idea for what the guys are going to wear. Any day now Walker and I will go cake testing to see what we really want, and you know, to have an excuse to eat some awesome cake. In March I didn't do much planning, but April I can hopefully get some more done. On the 13th we'll finally be getting our engagement pictures done which I am so so so excited about!

Let's see...oh! Our new apartment!! Oh my goodness y'all, I am beyond excited for the move. When we went and searched for our first apartment (the one we're currently in) we lucked out and only stopped by one place and went with it. Now looking back, I'm not sure if lucked out was the right phrase...if there's any advice I can give anyone it's this: don't live in a studio apartment, it isn't worth the price. Space is a thing every human needs. Now, onto our new one! We were really scared we wouldn't be able to afford it and had other apartments in mind, honestly we just went to these to look at them..kind of like window shopping. We loved the area, the management, and the layout of the apartment so much, not to mention if you signed the lease the same day you viewed the apartment you got your application fees and admin fee waved, saving us about $100-250 more dollars! We went home and added up all of our expenses that are there and unchangeable/necessary and found that we could live there comfortable which was surprising to both of us.

After living nearly a year in a studio apartment I have to say moving onto not only more space, but a nicer complex is huge to us. We both work full time and it's nice to see that what we've been working for has earned us something greater. I really hope any of what I'm saying does not come off as bragging, whenever I'm excited I tend to not shut up about it haha. If anything I hope you see how important it is to us and how proud of ourselves we are to really be reaching a big "growing up" part of our lives.

Lastly, work! Walker didn't get into SORM (school of retail management), but he remains hopeful and proud of himself for what he's accomplished only in a year of being with the company. I have to say, seeing him remain optimistic is a huge reason why I love him. He's still working on ways to grow in his department so whenever he feels ready to apply again he'll have even more experience behind him. As for me, I love my department and I think about growing myself in it every now and then, really I just want to wait until the wedding is done before I throw any other thing on myself. Both of us are so incredibly thankful to work for such a good company, especially at a young age.

So if you know of any awesome cake places in Fort Worth/Arlington let me know so me and Walker can go stuff our faces with cake haha. Also keep us in your prayers as we take a big step on in moving to a new complex and grow ourselves in work.

Thanks for taking the time to read :)

The Dreaded Scale.

Hi everyone!

This is kind of an impromptu post, only because I planned to do it another day but looking at my schedule I can't really find the time other than now.

I wanted to sit down and type something you've heard before, not because I'm unoriginal, but because I think no matter how many times you see it, it doesn't always click.

Weight doesn't matter. I'm writing this on a health/fitness blog and even mention the fact that I've lost weight, and I'm saying this. To hold my own on this, I'm going to reflect on the year 2014 diet wise for myself.

I started my nutrition class that turned my diet upside down. All of a sudden red meat wasn't scary anymore, as long as it was grass fed, and butter (without preservatives or additives) is better to cook in than oils, and the list could go on forever and a day. Honestly I plan to make separate blogs just on what I've learned, but those are two ways of showing how crazy, almost unthinkable things when you're trying to lose weight worked for me, and still are.

Now to stay on the topic of weight, let's talk about how this food as affected my life. Notice I'm not just saying my body, but my existence in general. I feel better, I actually have energy, I'm not starving every two hours, my workouts are so much better, and in general life is good when I stay on track with this.

Guess what eating like this and the better workouts caused? A weight gain, and a pretty substantial one in my eyes now that my body has gotten smaller, at about 5 or 6 pounds. I freaked out. I didn't understand how my weight went up even though I know in the back of my mind it's muscle, it's muscle, it's muscle.

It's a hard thing in a society where weight matters so much to believe that even when you know it's true, especially being a girl in her twenties.

It took a lot of talking to friends that workout and I trust with these insecurities to talk me into the fact that if I feel better and I'm making healthy decisions this shouldn't matter. You know what matters to me? As I said before, I feel so much better on a daily basis. And a pair of jeans I could barely button are fitting just a little bit better, and jeans that fit perfectly at one point are starting to fall off a little.

Now I'm not saying I was fat/overweight/etc. before at all, and I'm not hating on myself for what I put into my body before because I'm still not perfect, but it's a really cool thing to see and feel the changes.

What I hope to encourage is is if you're trying to lose weight, don't obsess over weight, just don't. Honestly, obsessing over anything isn't necessarily good because, at least for a person like me, it becomes something that really messes me up if I don't get it perfect and I'm really hard on myself.

To go with the Nike slogan, just do it. Once you have found what works for you and your diet don't think too much on it, just go and make it happen. Make small changes that make huge impacts over time Changing your diet and adding fitness into your life shouldn't feel like a burden, it should feel good, and if it feels any thing else you may want to reevaluate what you're doing and how you could possibly change it.

These are meant to be steps forward into life, that's a big deal, don't focus on weight more than what you put into your body.

As always, I'm here for anyone interested. I'm not an expert, but I can help where I feel confident any time. This is my passion, and it is literally life changing.

HIIT #1

Hi everyone!

So, as I was starting to run on my parent's treadmill today all I could think was, "I really do not feel like running today.." which honestly tends to be a common thought that passes in my mind. Some days I love running, some days I loathe it. Since I'm not at a gym today I got a little created my own HIIT workout (High intensity interval training). You can find these nearly anywhere online premade, but whenever it comes to MY fitness I like MY plan.

It went really well and was really challenging, not to mention it left my covered in sweat, so I figured I would share it! The way it works is easy:

30 seconds of cardio

1 minute of strength

Also, out to the right I'm putting the time that you should be done with this move, and I include a 10 second break between each move as well!

Ready?! :)

30s jogging in place     :30

1m arm circles (30 sec. forward/30 sec. back)     1:40

30s burpees     2:20

1m mermaid abs     3:30

30s plank jacks     4:10

1m reverse lunges     5:20

30s jumping jacks     6:00

1m downward dog push ups     7:10

30s skaters     7:50

1m leg raises     9:00

30s jog in place     9:40

1m squats     10:50

30s burpees     11:30

1m tricep dips     12:40

30s plank jacks     13:20

1m plank     14:30

30s jumping jacks     15:10

1m clamshell leg lifts (30 sec. right/30 sec. left)     16:20

Aannnd you're done! My favorite thing about HIITS is you aren't doing the same thing over and over again but you are DEFINITELY getting some awesome toning in!

If you don't know what any of the moves are you can find them by googling them, or you can ask me and I'll send you a video/picture of what it looks like!

After I did this I wanted just a little more so I did an abs & obliques video by Fitness Blender

Click here if you want to do  it too!4

If you do this let me know how it was! I love keeping my workouts creative and different to avoid boredom!

One Week Free From Sodas!

Yes, you read that title correctly! I've been without a soda for a week now! I honestly used to never care, soda was the one thing I couldn't and wouldn't give up. It even took about two months in my nutrition class for me to decide maybe I shouldn't be drinking them. Dr. Pepper was my chosen poison, and one day I was looking at the back of the label of a 20oz. bottle and saw a total of 66 grams of carbohydrates. SIXTY SIX. That's more than I try to go for when putting a meal together. It's giving you absolutely no protein or fat. You are literally putting sugar into your body that your body doesn't know what to do with other than it right on your love handles...or at least that's where mine likes to go.

Thinking of it now puts me in pain, even after just a week. 

I have always hated taking pictures of my body like this, no matter what size. I hope anyone that reads/sees these knows I do it only as personal update for myself and I share it to possibly help others. 

Now, I don't know if it's just me, but I feel like my waist line looks a wee bit smaller. I put on this pair of jeans that used to suffocate my waistline and they were easier to button than normal so that was really cool to me!

If you're waiting for how many pounds I've lost, I try not to keep up with it too much. I weigh myself weekly, but I'm trying to lean on it less. The power of the scale can often trick your mind into thinking you aren't doing good at all when really you're turning your muscle into fat, but let's save that  for another post shall we?

Anyways, I just wanted to share this accomplishment with y'all and encourage you to decrease or limit your intake of sodas. From personal experience I don't even find myself wanting one very often as long as I have water beside me to drink instead. Keep a bottle with you and I think you'll do fine! As for headaches/drowsiness, it does happen and yes it sucks. Just take some medicine and make some coffee (sugar free haha) and you'll be okay!