Glorification of Busy.

I saw this image today and it really caught my eye and forced me to think about it. If you haven't caught on from reading blogs, I like to think deeply about a lot of things haha. But really, think of the word busy. We use it so often to describe our lives, in fact among my friends it's probably one of the highest words they use when I ask them how they are. But busy is a choice that can become a lifestyle, and getting stuck there is probably one of the worst feelings we as humans can have. The view of busy is different to everyone meaning everyone has their own idea of busy. Some may take my daily tasks as nothing compared to theirs, or some may take mine and feel overwhelmed. But "busy" is something we have complete control over. Just as we schedule time with friends, with work, and school, we have to schedule time for ourselves by ourselves doing whatever helps us relax. 

My age (20) seems to have a really hard time with this because we are transitioning into adulthood and every new thing added on is "just a part of it." Why isn't making time for ourselves a part of it? Too much of that comes across as lazy, but what if at that point in their lives that's what that person needs. 

God doesn't intend for us to be overwhelmed. I think whenever  that feeling comes we should really set time aside and pray for it specifically, if there's something we need to tone down, or if it is meant to be in our lives then for the ability to take it and feel equipped to handle it. Never busy, but occupied, engaged, or full of activity. Turn your perception around and take a break every now and then. It's healthy.

Mark 8:1-21

Jesus Feeds the Four Thousand

Jesus had been preaching to a large group for about three days, but had compassion on them and realized if they left and went home some would not make it. Again we see a miracle from Jesus where he made 7 loaves of bread last for all, even with leftovers.

The most interesting part of this to me is the part where we hear of the Pharisees asking for a sign from Heaven. "He sighed deeply and said, 'Why does this generation ask for a sign? Truly I tell you, no sign will be given to it.'" Mark 8:11. Whenever my friends talk to me about their prayers so many of them tell me they ask for a sign. I'm guilty as well of this, because think...what does a sign really do? It doesn't necessarily guide you or give you what you need. You can take almost anything as a sign if you read into it enough. Instead I will now encourage my friends to pray for something that seems as simple as asking Jesus to move in them and make the change inside of them. Focusing too much on what's going on around you, looking deeply for a "sign" can get you off track of looking for Jesus in yourself.

The Yeast of the Pharisees and Herod

Isn't it funny how we sit and wonder how things are going to work out? I can get so worked up wondering how people feel about me, how my life is going to change, and how in general I'm going to take on the tasks in front of me. The disciples struggled with this too, even with Jesus right in front of them working miracles nearly daily. When they start worrying about their own bread supply Jesus reminds them of how when he fed the large groups there was plenty and even more left over. One of my favorite worship songs is Oceans (Where Feet May Fail) by Hillsong United, one of the lyrics being "You've never failed and you won't start now." I hope I can remember this whenever life gets tough and I feel lost. God always provides in his perfect timing. All of my past struggles have taught me things so I can be better in the future with Him.

Reactions.

I hate to start this off with bad news, but my grandpa passed away yesterday. I couldn't bring myself to see him on his last day, for me that's not how I want to remember him. When you know someone with dementia I think you understand better that most of the time not seeing them is easier than seeing them. I hope that doesn't sound selfish or mean, trust me, I absolutely love my grandpa and I'm missing him very much. I think I already had so many bad memories with him because of the dementia that I didn't want to add anything onto that.

The last time I went to see him it was just me and Walker, that was the only time I went and visited him without one of my parent's or family members, and he was in the hospital. I was so scared of seeing him, of him not remembering me. We got there and he was getting tests done, and at that point I almost left. I'm really glad now that I didn't. I waited about 30 minutes or so and went back to find him and he was in his room sleeping. That's my last memory with him, and compared to the ones before it, that was good. Any time I saw him awake I could feel his pain, and I'm glad the last time I saw him wasn't that way.

Yesterday I was right by my mama when she got the call that he had died. I'm glad at least I got to be with her for that, really glad actually. Today I'm going with her and my dad  to visit my grandma for a bit. I think the most important thing is just being there for each other right now, so that's what I plan on doing.

I think probably the best thing my family has to hold onto him by are his paintings. He did portraits of almost all of us and our significant others. It's just really really cool to have that. The above picture is my favorite one I've seen of his, it was in my bedroom at my parents house and after last night I brought it back to my apartment. He's with me always, I will forever have this painting, and one day pass it onto my kids.

Mark 7

That Which Defiles

"'Nothing outside a person can defile them by going into them. Rather, it is what comes out of a person that defiles them.'" Mark 7:15.

I think that verse can speak hugely to people my age. I know so many of us, myself included, tend to blame our upbringing for our attitudes and opinions. I think for the early years of our lives that may be a valid excuse, there isn't much we can do when it comes to changing our own lives while having a lack of control of what goes on in it, but once you hit 16 or 17 I think it should switch. You are growing up. You can no longer blame your parents for the fights, but instead you should find a way to love them through them and end them. Life happens. A lot of what happens on the outside is out of our control, but when it comes to our reactions and what we say, we have full control over that. That's the reminder that this is supposed to give.

I hope that people can find hope in this as I do though, I didn't mean for my first paragraph to be so harsh. But think, we have the ability to change ourselves. It may seem impossible on our own, but that's why we should align ourselves with Jesus and that is where true change comes from.

Jesus Honors a Syrophoenican Woman's Faith

To be completely honest to me this didn't make a whole lot of sense. The main thing I got from it is that the woman learned to put her children first, no matter what state they are in. I think she was terrified of her daughter (she was possessed by an impure spirit) and did what she thought she needed to by not feeding her, but Jesus reminded her of the importance of taking care of her own.

Jesus Heals a Deaf and Mute Man

These kinds of stories are my favorite. Jesus does huge, unimaginable things. It makes me wonder why so many of us doubt he can alter our lives and change and help us. Again he asked no one to talk of it but they did, while going on about how amazed they are by his doings.

Walking on Water.

Finally, I have two days off in a row with little to nothing planned in them besides chores! It's funny, I keep sitting here wondering what I work tomorrow, I'm so used to only one day, and then I get the happy realization that I don't! Not that I hate work, but hardly every do I get time off and have nothing to do with it.

About my grandpa, all I know is that he is moved into the hospice. It's hard in times like these. No one can really help, it's just something that is going to happen.

Yesterday I had my cheat meal. It was one of my favorite things ever: Rosa's bean and cheese burritos. Oh my goodness they are so good. I usually have a cheat day, but I think for the sake of getting back on track from the past two months, I'm going to limit myself to a cheat meal once a week. I plan on going for a run later on today and just doing some yoga tomorrow. I get so nervous about running outside, which I think is kind of silly for myself, but I really don't like working out in public areas (gyms and me are no bueno unless they have a bunch of separation and rooms) so it's hard for me to motivate myself. But the weather is SO pretty and with winter coming today might just be the last day I get to go outside. I need to take advantage of it!

I feel like I haven't said too much about Walker lately, but we're doing well! Our relationship is trying to find balance (can you tell from my last blog posts that me and balance aren't well acquainted?) in many ways. Not only do I struggle with my own worries, but Walker feels them too, same as I feel his. Personal balance is key towards a relationship I think. All in all, the growth we feel together is tremendous, and it simply takes time.

Mark 6:30-56

Jesus Feeds the Five Thousand

It's really really cool to read this after doing the Feast of Sharing this past week. I know I mentioned at times my heart was hardened towards others, but just imagine how that experience could of been even better if I had realized the chance God had given me that day the whole shift. I hope that next time I get a chance like this I really take it and run with it with a a full heart ready to serve. I have no doubt in my mind that Jesus was in that place, something so great and so giving could not be done without him.

Jesus Walks on the Water

One of the passages I've heard about many times I've finally read. I think the thing that stuck out to me the most is that as soon as Jesus sat down with those in the boat the winds calmed. While they saw him walking they saw a ghost and were scared, only making things worse. But when he seemed real to them and sat in the boat everything was at peace.

I challenge you to apply that to your life today!

The Power of Belief

I got some really bad news today. My grandpa is getting taken off of his medication and moved into a hospice. They don't know how long it will be until he leaves us, but they know it will be soon. My heart is broken right now. Yesterday I knew something was up because my mom was upset, but all she told me was that he had a really bad day when she visited him. Then today she texted me and asked when I was working, I told her, and she told me to call her afterwards. Me being the antsy person I am had to know what was going on right then and there so I called and she told me the news I just shared with you. I couldn't help but start crying on my drive to work while talking to her, and I thought I could fight through it at work..at least for a couple of hours. All I knew is that there are only two managers than I can't really fake anything around, like they know the minute something is wrong with me at work, and of course one of them was the one to greet me when I walked in. I saw her and just lost it..she let me go home. All the afternoon I probably the most inconsistent I've been in a while. I'd cry and cry and cry, then be somewhat okay...start thinking again and the tears came back. I love my grandpa so much. I don't think I've ever seen him really angry and he's only been helpful and loving to me and my family my whole life. I'm just not sure what to think..how to feel. I don't think anyone knows in these situations.

The worst part is, is now I feel that I'm playing a waiting game. I know one day soon I'm going to be getting a call from a family member letting me know he isn't with us anymore. I feel that sadness may be with me for a good while.

This is me and my grandpa when I think I was even younger than a year old. He's loved me my whole life, and I'm not sure how things will be without him..I don't want to know.

Mark 6:1-29

A Prophet Without Honor

I can relate to this part in so many ways. Basically Jesus came back to his hometown to preach and they all doubted him, saying he was related to "normal" people...there's no way he is actually doing this. It goes on into accusing him rather than listening to him and giving him a chance. When I first became a Christian and really tried to work on myself it was extremely hard around my family. I'm not going to go into detail, but I feel like I was being watched constantly, like some of my family members were ready to watch me fall and point it out. Even Jesus in this situation knew "He could not do any miracles there, except lay his hands on a few sick people and heal them." Mark 6:5. I think a huge part of that is when someone doubts you it's like you're already cut short. Jesus is always ready to work for us, but we have to believe he can actually do these things.

Jesus Sends Out the Twelve

This is really cool to me, it's simple part for sure, but if you look at it in more detail it's just like when God sends us out on missions. He creates us with a purpose, but sends us out when we are really ready and gives us the abilities and needs that we require on these callings. It's just cool to relate what he did with the twelve with what I see Him doing in myself and peers around me as well.

John the Baptist Beheaded

I guess this is the first crazy story for me to actually sit down and read. Most of the time when I read the Bible it's things like Psalm, Proverbs, etc. which are still awesome for sure, but Mark is more story oriented. It's sad to see the evil and jealousy in people, especially to the extent of wanting someone dead..much less having their head brought to you on a platter. But I'm glad to see that the disciples took care of what they could when it came to John's remains.

Side note: Please keep me and my family in your prayers. We really, really need them.

Genuine Prayer.

Do you ever have one of those days where you've unfortunately woken up on the wrong side of the bed? I did yesterday, all day I was easily irritable and wanted space and sleep. I'd pray, but looking back now I really don't feel that it was genuine, meaning even in prayer I was annoyed. I feel like it's normal to have days like this, but what I tend to do is sink into them rather than fight them. Imagine the amount of personal strength it requires to get past this.

Mark 5:21-42

Jesus Raises a Dead Girl and Heals a Sick Woman

"Overhearing what they said, Jesus told him, 'Don't be afraid; just believe.'" Mark 5:36

Again we see crowds around Jesus asking, begging, for help. A man from the synagogue named Jairus approached him to ask him to help his sick daughter. Along the way there people are crowding and I'm sure asking more favors.

Then we hear about a sick woman that had been bleeding for hours straight. She believed strong enough that doing something as simple as touch Jesus' clothes might heal her, and they did. To realize the importance of this the disciples mention to Jesus that tons of people are brushing up against him, but there was something different about this. This woman believed in Jesus enough to make the miracle happen. That's huge. So many times in my day I let worry take over and doubt Jesus' abilities like most of the people in the crowd. To relate it to my  text before the bible study, I pray and ask, but I'm either still in the negativity or scared, and so I don't receive. Whenever you pray your heart should be full of trust and thanks for God. That's how miracles happen, and that's how your days change.

Once Jesus gets to the little girl she is announced dead. That's where verse 36 is said, and I really really loved it. He was saying it to Jairus, the father, to calm him once she had died to everyone else. Jesus raised the young girl and immediately she started walking around. But, he told them to not tell anyone of this, only to take care of the girl.

I think that's one thing I don't understand. Why sometimes Jesus tells them to go and tell others or to stay quiet. In all circumstances I could see reasoning for either way, but why is it not consistent?

Anyways, this has been a nice read. I'm definitely going to be praying for a better day today.

The Needs of Others.

Sorry for the lack of posting. Doing these bible studies require time to sit down by myself and really think about God and listen to him. I haven't really had that time the past couple of days, Monday being mine and Walker's anniversary, then Tuesday I opened and about an hour later went and volunteered at the Feast of Sharing. If you don't know what that is, it's an even HEB puts on for people that don't have much in their lives, that may not even get a thanksgiving meal.

My job there was to serve drinks, which was really REALLY hard because people (HEB people or people attending the event) would come up and just take the drinks before we could even get to the people sitting. Needless to say, that was irritating, but when we could finally get to the people it became highly rewarding.

Not everyone was thankful with this gift though. There were some people who just took and took and took, or others that just didn't want what we had to offer and were mad about it. That irritated me. I feel bad for letting that irritate me, and my judgmental side came out in full force. I think the good definitely weighed out the bad, but I think everyone would agree it's highly discouraging whenever you're trying to help someone and they either take too much or push you away.

But that's life. You can apply that to the people who you are surrounded by each and every day.

This is our group (or most of it at least) that came from my store. These people make work fun, make volunteering fun, and in general make what could be the worst part of my life the best. And I'm so very thankful for them. God has surrounded me with good people.

Mark 5:1-20

Jesus Restores a Demon-Possessed Man

Isn't that crazy, the title? The fascination my generation seems to have with demons and what they can do is huge, just look at almost all of the horror movie topics, but in Jesus' time this happened a lot. So far into Mark how many times has it been mentioned, and it's only chapter 5. That's just mind boggling to me..that the thing that is so blown up and almost popular now was a serious problem beforehand.

I think the saddest part of this is that the people get terrified of Jesus, even going to a point of asking him to leave. Jesus removed the demon from the man, placed that demon and more into pigs, and they killed themselves. That is what terrified the people, and they simply forgot about the fact that he had saved the man that was right in front of them. 

Maybe I can apply this to yesterday..seeing how my team was helping people, but some of the attenders forgot about that and just wanted all that we could give. But Jesus listened to them, left when they wanted him to, and none of these people asked or wanted us to leave, they all did appreciate it, maybe some just needed it more than others. I can't imagine needing something like food. It's been given to me, or I've been able to buy it myself my whole life. What a terrifying life that must be, and when they are given it who knows what goes through their head. 

All in all, no matter how they acted, at least those people left full and hopefully with a smile on their face. Isn't it crazy how much a Bible study can affect you and your outlook. Now I wish I had made time for this yesterday before I went to the Feast of Sharing. Maybe my heart would of been a little more open to people.

Be Still.

Hey everyone! Sorry I didn't post yesterday...I just wasn't in the mood to really blog or anything, work wore me out completely. It did today too, but I know my days are so much better when I sit down and really think about God and the word.

Mark 4:21-41

A Lamp on a Stand

"For whatever is hidden is meant to be disclosed..." Jesus talks in parable form a lot in this chapter, but this he's talking about the fact we put a lamp on a stand and not the ground. Therefore, we don't see everything, only what we need to. I have a lot of anxiety issues. I worry all the time about what can happen, what will happen, and how it will affect me. I waste my time in this worry. Anything I need to know at that time in life I have been given by God already. Why should I worry about what others are thinking, or about incidences that could happen? If at all I should worry about the present and how I can make it the best I can.

The Parable of the Growing Seed

No one ever seems to focus on those years before God and how God felt while we were growing. This tiny little part touches on the process, how we grow and it is unknown how until we connect with God and grow with him. Growing on our own often leads to a lot of issues, and I'm not saying growing with God is perfect in it's process (because it is SO difficult) but at that point we have hope in something much greater than ourselves. That's the difference.

The Parable of the Mustard Seed

Jesus relates Heaven to a mustard seed saying that, "'Yet when planted, it grows and becomes the largest of all garden plants, with such big branches the birds can perch in its shade.'" To me he's saying that it isn't something we can see, in our daily lives it may seem small to us because we think of the world we're currently in. But when we finally get to get there and see the beauty ourselves we see the true greatness of what we thought of as small. Why not change that outlook?

Jesus Calms the Storm

So the disciples and Jesus are on a boat when a storm arose in the middle of the sea and the disciples wake Jesus up and ask him if he's even afraid to die. "He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, 'Quiet! Be still!' Then the wind died down and it was completely calm. He said to his disciples, 'Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?'" So I guess you can guess why I love this passage so much? it touches on anxiety and why we shouldn't even let it touch us. God's got this. I'd much rather my life be in his hands than my own.