Servants of All.

So yesterday I made this delicious thing right here! It's a Chicken Enchilada Casserole and I got the recipe from here. One extra thing: when I was cooking the chicken (I cooked mine in a skillet with some olive oil) I seasoned them in cumin and fajita seasoning to give them some extra flavor. Also I used corn tortillas instead of the low carb ones they suggest.

I'm working pretty much all day today and I know it's going to be SLAMMED. It being the day before the day before Thanksgiving means everyone getting their last minute stuff or donating what they can. All I really hope for is to be surrounded by good people with good moods.

Mark 9:30-50

Jesus Predicts His Death a Second Time

"Sitting down, Jesus called the Twelve and said, 'Anyone who wants to be first must be the very last, and the servant of all.'" Mark 9:35

I can't help but think while reading this that the disciples are incredibly frustrating. You have Jesus right there in front of you, why are you so caught up in everything else? But at the same time, I can't say much in that because I am no better. Jesus has pulled through time and time again for me and still I let this world affect me more and more. It's human nature I suppose, and thank God we have the ability to be forgiven for our sins.

Whoever Is Not Against Us Is For Us

This part is really interesting to me because the Twelve see a man performing a miracle and try and stop them because he was doing it in Jesus' name. But we do so many things in Jesus' name now. Whenever I end a prayer I always say I pray in Jesus' name. I guess now it's more acceptable because Jesus is accepted among Christians as the savior and saying/doing things in His name is somewhat honoring him. But the main thing is this title of the chapter. If someone is not against you in your journey with Christ then they are for you, and be thankful for them no matter what.

Causing to Stumble

What causes you to stumble? Really, sit down and think. Once you figure it out the next step is to decide on whether or not it can be worked through, or if this could negatively affect your whole life. For me, it's just my short temper sometimes. That I can work on, it'll take a lot of work, but it's me doing this, not someone/something else. But if it's on the outside and it's something you're facing every day (like a job, significant other, etc.) then reconsider what you're doing and if you can work through it. Like the title of my last post, everything is possible with God. Sometimes a situation can pull you away from God though, so either you have to stand up and fight for that every second, or search for something to ease your heart. The decision is completely up to you.

Everything is Possible.

Sorry I haven't been posting, I've been really wrapped up in what's going on around me lately. I know I would of handled it all better if I had actually spent time with God, but when I'm in the midst of my anger I just want to be angry and regret it later. That's something I really really need to work on.

Every month around the same time I take a picture of my stomach and body to see where I'm at physically. November has been really great diet and exercise wise, I feel that I'm finally back on track with this stuff and it's so wonderful. I know there isn't much of a change, but I've lost the 3 or so pounds I gained over the past couple of months/weeks and emotionally I'm feeling healthier too. I'm sure you've noticed November has many more blog posts than the past months, meaning more time with God, and I know that has a huge part to deal with this progress.

I had someone ask me if I am on a diet the other day, and I get so bothered when asked that. Then I get looked down upon when I say I watch what I eat because according to them I'm already skinny. That's the thing about fitness and eating right, you aren't doing it to get skinny, but to be healthy and change your lifestyle. I then got my phone out and showed people how much weight I've lost (about 50 or so pounds) and from one of the people I got the response "Well people just need to take me as I am." I back that statement up just as much, but isn't it funny that the person that said that is the one who gave me a judgmental look about watching what I eat. Take me as I am. 

I don't do this for others, I do it for me and my family I have and will have in the future. I want my kids to grow up in this lifestyle so it's the norm for them, and they don't have to worry as much about losing their parents early to a heart disease or something that could of been prevented.

It's just so irritating sometimes, but in the end I feel it is my purpose to show others it's possible and help them if they want it.

Mark 9:1-29

The Transfiguration

I can only imagine how beautiful it was to see Jesus basically glow in front of them, and to see Moses and Elijah appear. It says they were in shock, and even more so when a cloud came over and told them to listen to Jesus, and I'm assuming that the voice was God. I think this is so so so cool, so much glory and proof right in front of them. They also get told about the Son of Man being risen from the dead and this confused them, but still they listened to Jesus.

I think what's important in this is when Jesus says "...'Why then is is it written that Son of Man must suffer much and be rejected?...'" We all have a role in life, just like Jesus. Everyone is created to serve God in a different way, and pain is a big part of that sometimes. But from pain comes growth and hope, as an example, without Jesus we would not be forgiven for our sins as easily. Search for hope in the pain, and get ready for growth in it.

Jesus Heals a Boy Possessed by an Impure Spirit

"'If you can?' said Jesus. 'Everything is possible for one who believes.'Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, 'I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief.'" Mark 9:23-24.

Everything is possible for one who believes. Anything you think can't be done can be with Jesus. Any anticipation you have for your life can happen if you allow Jesus to be first and help you get there. Miracles happen, change happens, everything happens with Jesus. All we simply have to do is believe, but that is so so hard sometimes. Our minds can only fathom what we know, but what we know is nothing in comparison to what He knows. 

If there's anything I want you to take from this it's that real change happens with Jesus.

The Name Above All Names.

The past two days have been pretty rough. We had the viewing for my grandfather Wednesday then the funeral on Thursday. I will say that at the viewing my grandpa looked better than I had seen him in a very long time, and he looked peaceful. In the end that was a really great experience not only to see him looking so good, but also to be surrounded by family, the only people that can really understand the pain and hurt that we were all feeling.

The funeral was a really great tribute to him. The priest came and asked all of us for traits of grandpa and it was really cool to listen and realize almost all of them are in my mama, and her siblings. He raised some of the best people in my life. He left a piece of him in each of them.

Today I go back to work which I'm actually ready for. I feel like I've gotten most of the closure that I need, and now what will be good for me is to get back into the swing of normal life.

Rest in peace Grandpa, we love you dearly.

Mark 8:22-38

Jesus Heals a Blind Man at Bethsaida

Jesus took this man and spit on his eyes and touched (sounds like a weird way of healing, right?) and he could see, but it was blurry. So Jesus repeated his steps and then he could see. Afterwards he told the man to not even go back into the village.

You have to really think about the message here: in the first time Jesus still worked a miracle, the man could technically see, but he went back and perfected it. The man wasn't angry when the first time didn't turn out as he hoped, he was patient and trusted Jesus. That's something we have to do as well. We all have tough times in our lives, and then sometimes it feels better but not really...and we get complacent with what we have when maybe it's just the first step in the process of growing or betterness. Stay good-natured, good things are coming.

Peter Declares that Jesus is the Messiah

In this Jesus asks what others refer to him as and they all answer with other people's answers, but Jesus asks who he is to them. Peter says Messiah. Jesus wants us to have that belief in Him directly from us as well. I'm sure people grow weary of hearing all the things Jesus is called if they don't have a relationship with him, but I think once you're saved you realize you have your Savior, your everything. He is the name above all names. You can't help but shout it out. But in this day and age Jesus asked them to remain quiet about him.

Jesus Predicts His Death

Could you imagine sitting there and hearing Jesus forsee his own death. How terrifying would it be to have the source of your strength tell you he's going to die. I honestly think I would do the same as Peter, pull Jesus to the side and at least question him and be bothered by this. But Jesus returns that to Peter, even going so far as calling him Satan. "...'You do not have in mind the concerns of God, but merely of human concerns.'" Part of Mark 8:33.

Take a second and think of what God worries about? He worries about us when we struggle with sin we know for sure, but do you think he wants us to worry about our daily lives as much as we all do? We are not aligning ourselves with God in those moments, but with the world.

The Way of the Cross

"'For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me and the gospel will save it.'" Mark 8:35. In this Jesus is talking to a crowd about being a disciple and a follower of Christ. You must deny yourself, which is so very hard because...well...we've been ourselves for a long time. But I know for myself, I like the person I am aligned with Jesus more than focused on my own personal life. Being a Christian is more than quoting Bible verses here and there. You live it. Your life changes. You have a real hope and belief that this is all for something, and then you have a purpose driven life. It's rewarding and extremely difficult, but no matter what remain thankful for the chances and life you are given.

Glorification of Busy.

I saw this image today and it really caught my eye and forced me to think about it. If you haven't caught on from reading blogs, I like to think deeply about a lot of things haha. But really, think of the word busy. We use it so often to describe our lives, in fact among my friends it's probably one of the highest words they use when I ask them how they are. But busy is a choice that can become a lifestyle, and getting stuck there is probably one of the worst feelings we as humans can have. The view of busy is different to everyone meaning everyone has their own idea of busy. Some may take my daily tasks as nothing compared to theirs, or some may take mine and feel overwhelmed. But "busy" is something we have complete control over. Just as we schedule time with friends, with work, and school, we have to schedule time for ourselves by ourselves doing whatever helps us relax. 

My age (20) seems to have a really hard time with this because we are transitioning into adulthood and every new thing added on is "just a part of it." Why isn't making time for ourselves a part of it? Too much of that comes across as lazy, but what if at that point in their lives that's what that person needs. 

God doesn't intend for us to be overwhelmed. I think whenever  that feeling comes we should really set time aside and pray for it specifically, if there's something we need to tone down, or if it is meant to be in our lives then for the ability to take it and feel equipped to handle it. Never busy, but occupied, engaged, or full of activity. Turn your perception around and take a break every now and then. It's healthy.

Mark 8:1-21

Jesus Feeds the Four Thousand

Jesus had been preaching to a large group for about three days, but had compassion on them and realized if they left and went home some would not make it. Again we see a miracle from Jesus where he made 7 loaves of bread last for all, even with leftovers.

The most interesting part of this to me is the part where we hear of the Pharisees asking for a sign from Heaven. "He sighed deeply and said, 'Why does this generation ask for a sign? Truly I tell you, no sign will be given to it.'" Mark 8:11. Whenever my friends talk to me about their prayers so many of them tell me they ask for a sign. I'm guilty as well of this, because think...what does a sign really do? It doesn't necessarily guide you or give you what you need. You can take almost anything as a sign if you read into it enough. Instead I will now encourage my friends to pray for something that seems as simple as asking Jesus to move in them and make the change inside of them. Focusing too much on what's going on around you, looking deeply for a "sign" can get you off track of looking for Jesus in yourself.

The Yeast of the Pharisees and Herod

Isn't it funny how we sit and wonder how things are going to work out? I can get so worked up wondering how people feel about me, how my life is going to change, and how in general I'm going to take on the tasks in front of me. The disciples struggled with this too, even with Jesus right in front of them working miracles nearly daily. When they start worrying about their own bread supply Jesus reminds them of how when he fed the large groups there was plenty and even more left over. One of my favorite worship songs is Oceans (Where Feet May Fail) by Hillsong United, one of the lyrics being "You've never failed and you won't start now." I hope I can remember this whenever life gets tough and I feel lost. God always provides in his perfect timing. All of my past struggles have taught me things so I can be better in the future with Him.

Reactions.

I hate to start this off with bad news, but my grandpa passed away yesterday. I couldn't bring myself to see him on his last day, for me that's not how I want to remember him. When you know someone with dementia I think you understand better that most of the time not seeing them is easier than seeing them. I hope that doesn't sound selfish or mean, trust me, I absolutely love my grandpa and I'm missing him very much. I think I already had so many bad memories with him because of the dementia that I didn't want to add anything onto that.

The last time I went to see him it was just me and Walker, that was the only time I went and visited him without one of my parent's or family members, and he was in the hospital. I was so scared of seeing him, of him not remembering me. We got there and he was getting tests done, and at that point I almost left. I'm really glad now that I didn't. I waited about 30 minutes or so and went back to find him and he was in his room sleeping. That's my last memory with him, and compared to the ones before it, that was good. Any time I saw him awake I could feel his pain, and I'm glad the last time I saw him wasn't that way.

Yesterday I was right by my mama when she got the call that he had died. I'm glad at least I got to be with her for that, really glad actually. Today I'm going with her and my dad  to visit my grandma for a bit. I think the most important thing is just being there for each other right now, so that's what I plan on doing.

I think probably the best thing my family has to hold onto him by are his paintings. He did portraits of almost all of us and our significant others. It's just really really cool to have that. The above picture is my favorite one I've seen of his, it was in my bedroom at my parents house and after last night I brought it back to my apartment. He's with me always, I will forever have this painting, and one day pass it onto my kids.

Mark 7

That Which Defiles

"'Nothing outside a person can defile them by going into them. Rather, it is what comes out of a person that defiles them.'" Mark 7:15.

I think that verse can speak hugely to people my age. I know so many of us, myself included, tend to blame our upbringing for our attitudes and opinions. I think for the early years of our lives that may be a valid excuse, there isn't much we can do when it comes to changing our own lives while having a lack of control of what goes on in it, but once you hit 16 or 17 I think it should switch. You are growing up. You can no longer blame your parents for the fights, but instead you should find a way to love them through them and end them. Life happens. A lot of what happens on the outside is out of our control, but when it comes to our reactions and what we say, we have full control over that. That's the reminder that this is supposed to give.

I hope that people can find hope in this as I do though, I didn't mean for my first paragraph to be so harsh. But think, we have the ability to change ourselves. It may seem impossible on our own, but that's why we should align ourselves with Jesus and that is where true change comes from.

Jesus Honors a Syrophoenican Woman's Faith

To be completely honest to me this didn't make a whole lot of sense. The main thing I got from it is that the woman learned to put her children first, no matter what state they are in. I think she was terrified of her daughter (she was possessed by an impure spirit) and did what she thought she needed to by not feeding her, but Jesus reminded her of the importance of taking care of her own.

Jesus Heals a Deaf and Mute Man

These kinds of stories are my favorite. Jesus does huge, unimaginable things. It makes me wonder why so many of us doubt he can alter our lives and change and help us. Again he asked no one to talk of it but they did, while going on about how amazed they are by his doings.

Walking on Water.

Finally, I have two days off in a row with little to nothing planned in them besides chores! It's funny, I keep sitting here wondering what I work tomorrow, I'm so used to only one day, and then I get the happy realization that I don't! Not that I hate work, but hardly every do I get time off and have nothing to do with it.

About my grandpa, all I know is that he is moved into the hospice. It's hard in times like these. No one can really help, it's just something that is going to happen.

Yesterday I had my cheat meal. It was one of my favorite things ever: Rosa's bean and cheese burritos. Oh my goodness they are so good. I usually have a cheat day, but I think for the sake of getting back on track from the past two months, I'm going to limit myself to a cheat meal once a week. I plan on going for a run later on today and just doing some yoga tomorrow. I get so nervous about running outside, which I think is kind of silly for myself, but I really don't like working out in public areas (gyms and me are no bueno unless they have a bunch of separation and rooms) so it's hard for me to motivate myself. But the weather is SO pretty and with winter coming today might just be the last day I get to go outside. I need to take advantage of it!

I feel like I haven't said too much about Walker lately, but we're doing well! Our relationship is trying to find balance (can you tell from my last blog posts that me and balance aren't well acquainted?) in many ways. Not only do I struggle with my own worries, but Walker feels them too, same as I feel his. Personal balance is key towards a relationship I think. All in all, the growth we feel together is tremendous, and it simply takes time.

Mark 6:30-56

Jesus Feeds the Five Thousand

It's really really cool to read this after doing the Feast of Sharing this past week. I know I mentioned at times my heart was hardened towards others, but just imagine how that experience could of been even better if I had realized the chance God had given me that day the whole shift. I hope that next time I get a chance like this I really take it and run with it with a a full heart ready to serve. I have no doubt in my mind that Jesus was in that place, something so great and so giving could not be done without him.

Jesus Walks on the Water

One of the passages I've heard about many times I've finally read. I think the thing that stuck out to me the most is that as soon as Jesus sat down with those in the boat the winds calmed. While they saw him walking they saw a ghost and were scared, only making things worse. But when he seemed real to them and sat in the boat everything was at peace.

I challenge you to apply that to your life today!

The Power of Belief

I got some really bad news today. My grandpa is getting taken off of his medication and moved into a hospice. They don't know how long it will be until he leaves us, but they know it will be soon. My heart is broken right now. Yesterday I knew something was up because my mom was upset, but all she told me was that he had a really bad day when she visited him. Then today she texted me and asked when I was working, I told her, and she told me to call her afterwards. Me being the antsy person I am had to know what was going on right then and there so I called and she told me the news I just shared with you. I couldn't help but start crying on my drive to work while talking to her, and I thought I could fight through it at work..at least for a couple of hours. All I knew is that there are only two managers than I can't really fake anything around, like they know the minute something is wrong with me at work, and of course one of them was the one to greet me when I walked in. I saw her and just lost it..she let me go home. All the afternoon I probably the most inconsistent I've been in a while. I'd cry and cry and cry, then be somewhat okay...start thinking again and the tears came back. I love my grandpa so much. I don't think I've ever seen him really angry and he's only been helpful and loving to me and my family my whole life. I'm just not sure what to think..how to feel. I don't think anyone knows in these situations.

The worst part is, is now I feel that I'm playing a waiting game. I know one day soon I'm going to be getting a call from a family member letting me know he isn't with us anymore. I feel that sadness may be with me for a good while.

This is me and my grandpa when I think I was even younger than a year old. He's loved me my whole life, and I'm not sure how things will be without him..I don't want to know.

Mark 6:1-29

A Prophet Without Honor

I can relate to this part in so many ways. Basically Jesus came back to his hometown to preach and they all doubted him, saying he was related to "normal" people...there's no way he is actually doing this. It goes on into accusing him rather than listening to him and giving him a chance. When I first became a Christian and really tried to work on myself it was extremely hard around my family. I'm not going to go into detail, but I feel like I was being watched constantly, like some of my family members were ready to watch me fall and point it out. Even Jesus in this situation knew "He could not do any miracles there, except lay his hands on a few sick people and heal them." Mark 6:5. I think a huge part of that is when someone doubts you it's like you're already cut short. Jesus is always ready to work for us, but we have to believe he can actually do these things.

Jesus Sends Out the Twelve

This is really cool to me, it's simple part for sure, but if you look at it in more detail it's just like when God sends us out on missions. He creates us with a purpose, but sends us out when we are really ready and gives us the abilities and needs that we require on these callings. It's just cool to relate what he did with the twelve with what I see Him doing in myself and peers around me as well.

John the Baptist Beheaded

I guess this is the first crazy story for me to actually sit down and read. Most of the time when I read the Bible it's things like Psalm, Proverbs, etc. which are still awesome for sure, but Mark is more story oriented. It's sad to see the evil and jealousy in people, especially to the extent of wanting someone dead..much less having their head brought to you on a platter. But I'm glad to see that the disciples took care of what they could when it came to John's remains.

Side note: Please keep me and my family in your prayers. We really, really need them.