It's been a good while, huh? January has been extremely busy for me with going back to school, working full time, and in general just doing things around the apartment.
I have to take a break real quick to say how much I love this guy. God sure did bless me with my soul mate, and I'm so thankful I got this time with him at a young age so we can really grow old together<3
To be honest though, the past 5 days have been so incredibly nice. I got 5 days off in a row from work, and I embraced that...maybe a little more than I should by not going to school this week just so I could breathe for a bit. I'm not too awesome at going to school and I never got great attendance, but as long as I don't fall behind I never worry about it. I just needed a break. I don't get those very often anymore. I try to not have too big of a problem with that fact, but when the rare occasion comes to relax and enjoy myself I do so.
So what have I done in the past 5 days?
Friday it felt like my bridal party fell apart because I realized the person I set as my maid of honor is not who I wanted to be my maid of honor. At one point she was my best friend so I felt obligated to put her there, but realistically she showed the least interest in my days, much less my wedding. I'm trying to not be bitter, because trust me this didn't go over well, but it is extremely hard. I'm really saddened by all of this happening and the way it did. But that's growing up I guess.
Saturday I went and got my wedding dress! Even with the craziness my bridal party saw the day before, that day made me really happy to have them there with me. And my dress, oh my goodness my dress, it's just so perfect for me. Walker is being a total butthead and trying to see it and figure out what it looks like and I refuse to let him. We all went out to Panera for lunch, then I sat and talked with my new maid of honor (she was a bridesmaid and I just bumped her up because she was the one helping me the most with the planning and is most available to help me) for over an hour about everything and anything. It was really nice to be able to do that again with someone other than Walker, even though Walker is pretty awesome himself haha.
Sunday Walker's family had a get together for birthday celebration. I got some not too awesome mexican food and some very awesome red velvet cake. That kept us busy for most of the afternoon then that night we got to see one of our favorite friends play in a battle of he bands. It was pretty rad and he did great. We then went out to dinner with him and his lady (who happens to be one of my best friends and one of my bridesmaids). Needless to say after that I just didn't want to go to school the next day.
Monday I did absolutely nothing. I laid around with Walker all stinking day and it was wonderful.
Tuesday I chose not to do much until I went to the gym, then me and Walker went out and had froyo and I finally used my $25 gift card to tjmaxx.
So as you can see, I really only got the relax time I was hoping for the past two days, but I wouldn't trade the weekend for anything. I think today I'm just clinging to the laziness inside of me and giving myself half a break on today before I have to go teach my boss' husband checker skills 1 tonight. Yup, that's right...so I'm a little more nervous than I want to be right now. It's only my second time teaching so I'm still not really sure of what I'm doing, and now I'm teaching someone who is going to be a top leader how to check? It'll be interesting.
It's been much needed, because I can feel the want to do something coming back whereas before all I wanted to do was nothing.
But what about my relationship with God? This month I have not been close to Him. I haven't necessarily been pushing away, but I definitely haven't been praying as much as I should, and cussing is creeping back into my life. I don't really like my old format that I did before, where I analyzed each and every little thing. I'm not really sure how I want to do it, if I want something structured or if that gets too boring for me, but I want to return to spending time with God. I need it more than anything because what I've learned is even being lazy for a couple days doesn't bring what you think you need, but being with God can give you even more than you hope for.
"'Whenever you are arrested and brought to trial, do not worry beforehand about what to say. Just say whatever is given you at the time, for it is not you speaking, but the Holy Spirit.'" Mark 13:11
"'It’s like a man going away: He leaves his house and puts his servants in charge, each with their assigned task, and tells the one at the door to keep watch.'" Mark 13:34
Okay, so I decided to go on with Mark, I'm really determined to finish this book! Mark 13 is all about the coming of Jesus after he passes.
A couple of verses really stuck out to me, the first was verse 11 which I put earlier. I really like this verse because it helps someone with anxiety (like myself) to realize if I'm worrying about how or when to say something I shouldn't, just as long as all my faith is in God and I listen to him as he instructs me on what to say or do. It's like when your in alignment with God the right words come easier because your heart is in the right place as well as your mind. You aren't focusing on the trials of today, but on the growth of tomorrow.
The second verse I chose (34) because it puts what we do for God in the a very simple way. Jesus is not here with us in person right now, but we are all given a purpose to do for him on earth while he is away. We carry such a huge opportunity to work for God, and that's a really awesome thing to be trusted with.
So after reading this and really thinking about this, I feel much better about tonight. I mean, I know what I'm doing, there's no reason for me to fear that. I've just got to stop thinking so far ahead into my future and worrying about things as a week, and instead focus on each day and really think about the ways to accomplish the tasks in front of me.
