Rantfest.

I have been on a rant rampage today. Normally by this time of night I stop myself and think of how silly the things were that I let bother me, but today they have been legitimate, frustrating reasons. I won't go into detail of what they are from specifically because, lets face it, this is still the internet and whether I know you or not I don't want to be one of those people who complains so much that it gets annoying and then puts it on social media along with every piece of their life. I don't want this blog to go in a negative direction and I doubt it will, but maybe saying my complaints in somewhat of an anonymous way (that being me leaving out the specifics, like who, when, etc.) will be therapeutic to me because ranting to people tends to just fuel my fire.
First off, I really cannot stand when someone gives something their all and either still gets into trouble or doesn't get appreciated enough. What I consider enough I think is a normal person's need, to get the occasional pat on the back, because without that what drives us? Now, I know that we have God to remind us of our paths and He is the ultimate judge, but in human to human contact a pat on the back isn't asking for much. People take so much advantage of the ones that give their all that they tire them out until they have no more motivation, and then give them something almost meaningless in exchange for the months of neglect. That is not okay, and honestly I'm to the point where I don't want it to happen anymore. I'm seeing people I love basically get walked on when I know their work ethic deserves so much more. I really don't know if I should say anything, or if I'm even in the right, but I stand up for those I love and if it continues you can bet I will call these people out.
Secondly (and lastly really), I'm so incredibly frustrated with the way this world works. Kissing up to someone should not get you further, if anything it should be looked down upon. Why do people live for excessive praise? I'm hoping to not contradict what my first rant paragraph said, praise is necessary but when you're doing it only to get what you want, that isn't okay. I feel like just because I don't live to make others like me 24/7 I get the short straw. Don't get me wrong, I want people to like me, but I'm not going to do anything morally wrong to becomes someone's best bud or go-to person. That just isn't me, not how I was raised, and certainly not how I'm going to raise my children.
All in all this rant is about people who work hard, no matter what it is they work hard for in life, and get little credit or help. Not everyone will treat them this way, but when it happens it makes me want to call out everyone on their wrongs and be mad and get my way. But this is life, and really all we can do is to think of how we can cope through it without getting to the point of excessive anger.
I know God has a plan for me and my loved ones, a plan much better than anything we can even think of. Tonight I'll pray for that plan, and for peace in all of our hearts.

Nutrition.

Yesterday I was looking online if it was available yet to register for classes during the winter break. Sadly it wasn't, but I looked into an 8 week course of nutrition. As I've lost weight I've gained a huge interest in nutrition. I love learning about foods and things of that nature that can affect the way we feel, good or bad. I had thought being an english teacher was for me, but that was only because it was something I was good at. Nutrition thoroughly interests me and I want to learn and help better myself and also others. I mean there are nutrition classes in high school, and definitely at the college level, so there are jobs out there for it. I'd really like to be like a nutrition counselor..I'm sure there's a better word for it but as of right now I don't know it. 

I'm so ready to take the class and learn, but I'm not sure if it's for my best interest seeing how my history class is going to be a MAJOR time consumer. Three assignments due every week just for history, but my other classes are really easy. I'll just have to think on it, but I really feel a good thing about nutrition. I can help people better themselves, and like I said, better myself in the long run as well. I think I might of found my passion, and I'm ready to start it!

The Ripple Affect.

Isn't it funny that the second we set goals for ourselves, or say we're going to do something, life just tends to "get in the way." I feel like I'm the opposite of most in this statement, and I'll give you an example: if I want to go to the gym on a certain day, I have to make sure I don't tell anyone I'm going. As soon as I tell someone I'm going I just don't want to go anymore...isn't that backwards from most? The majority of my friends say they tell someone they are going to have something to live up to rather than having no one to answer to. But it's like as soon as I say something, especially if it involves going and doing something that is challenging, I just don't want to. I think about how difficult going to the gym will be after/before work, and how tired I already am, and then the rest of the excuses I can think of burst through the flood gates and I end up not going and wishing I had.
Yesterday was very much like that for me. I set those three goals and by the end of the day I hadn't lived up to them, in fact I probably took some steps back. Why do we do this? Why is it that once we have a set goal in our mind life just gets harder. Then I realized, I'm challenging my normal day-to-day attitude that I'm comfortable in. I'm setting myself up to grow, and growing is not easy.
The thing that sparked this want to grow was my old church, The Oaks, and their topic "Ready, Set, Grow." It's a whole series about growing and how true growth only comes with God. I cannot get myself where I want to be on my own, but if I submit to God I can. Sadly I can't really attend The Oaks anymore because it's in Red Oak and I can't tell you the last Sunday I didn't work in the morning without asking off for an important reason. The great thing about the church is that they record their sermons, so any time you want to watch them you have access. So I decided to last night while Walker was sleeping, and it was completely different from a normal service. I took some good notes from it but the main thing was: Slow down and don't forget to build yourself up. If you know me fairly well, you know I can be my number one enemy. I'll pick myself apart and forget the good. Or, I can build myself so high in pride that when I fall I fall hard. I'm sure a good amount of people get this, it seems to be a common struggle among people I know.
We all just really need to slow the heck down, quit getting so wrapped up in things that aren't God. Yes God gave you that job, but once you forget that he did that and replace his importance that job doesn't seem to be as good as you remembered. For me I really need to sit back and be thankful. I'm not saying I won't give my all to school and work, but slowing down to me means not getting so wrapped up in the feelings that come. Anxiety comes with school and work for me, but if I don't let myself get stuck in it, I might actually be able to be the person I want to. Balance is key.

Beginning of the Second Year.

I've decided to attempt a blog...and possibly maybe try to stay up with it. Most of the time I end up failing at these and forgetting about them or getting bored, but maybe I won't this time right? To bring you up to speed I'd like to list 3 simple goals for not only my sophomore year of college, but for the rest of my life.

1. Know Hope.

I like to think that I do actually know what hope is and use it every day, but lets be real...I can be extremely negative. When I get into panic mode and my anxiety creeps back up on me, I do a really great job of throwing away any progress I had made in the direction of hope. Being hopeful sounds so easy when you're young, like saying, "Man I hope I do good on this test." But as I've gotten older hope means something almost entirely different. Hope means minimizing fear and enlarging trust in God. We don't have control over our lives, and that SHOULD be the most rewarding and calming thing to us, but instead it can cause a fear and anxiety. Honestly, I would much rather have God in control of my life instead of me because half of the time I don't really know what I want. So why is it so hard to have hope in God and his plan? For me it gets so incredibly scary to take that step back and be okay with whatever may come, but that is one of my goals for this year.

2. Be Happy with my Body.

You may know that in the past 3 or so years I've lost 40-50 pounds. This was not easy to do, and if anyone tells you that their weight loss "magic" is easy then they're lying. And you know what the hardest thing to do is when it concerns weight loss? It isn't working out, all you have to begin with is 15 minutes of walking a day and you'll see a change. It isn't necessarily eating either, because portion control is what matters most. It's getting past the obsession of being skinny. The thought of being skinny can be so traumatizing to the mind when we don't get there soon enough, or even when we get there it isn't good enough. When I reached my goal weight I still wasn't happy with my body every single day. It's hard to be, maybe it's even impossible, but I'd like to think it isn't. The fact of the matter is no one should strive for skinny, but for healthy. To me, healthiness is the key to happiness and I can almost swear on that fact because I feel 100% better when I'm working out and eating less junk versus when I'm just having a bad day and I decide I "deserve" a cheat food. I want to be at peace with my body and it's shape, and just be good to it. I know what it deserves and what will help me later in life, so now I must follow in those footsteps.

3. Love People.

Loving people is what I want to be known for. It is what I feel God has called me to do, to love others with my whole heart and give them my everything. Make their day brighter, let them cry on my shoulder, help them. I want this for every relationship I have in my life: my boyfriend, friends, family, and even strangers. I want the passion for people 24/7. Realistically I have it maybe 4/5, and that bothers me. I come up with excuses like blaming it on people I'm surrounded by at work, or even the fact that my home that I grew up in wasn't always happy. Both of these are absurd because everyone is faced with them, but there are the few pastors and missionaries that reach out of it and find a way to love people all the time. I want that ability and I think obtaining the first two goals are crucial to really getting this last one.