21.

My whole life I've been about pleasing people. Making sure my actions were the right ones, my words the ones they wanted to hear. But the older I got the more I realized I was draining myself, and that I didn't really know who I was because almost all that I did in life was for affirmation from others. God did something about that this past year of my life.

I've read it before, of people crashing and burning when the world stops dishing out the compliments and gets harsh. Usually it's right out of high school, but mine took a little time. I'm about to turn 22 and the past year of being 21 has been the hardest of my life.

The only way I can describe it is it felt like people were purging from my life, and the ones left in it were not the kindest I've ever known. When I say purging, I mean I lost people. Friendships broke and weakened, and my strongest ones moved away. Even my parents left.

I remember thinking, why would God leave me alone like this? I can't live like this, I can't thrive with no one here. He knows that, He knows that I have built my life around being the "good" one, but what happens when that doesn't matter anymore?

I never realized as I was trying to keep people happy that I was building a tremendous amount of pride within myself that grew the more compliments I got. That pride was also a wall between myself and God. 21 has been the year God said, "It's time to take down that wall."

I felt like I was in a corner. With no one new coming into my life to fill the gaps that opened as people left I found myself trapped in my world that I had never looked at for myself, but always others. I was sad a lot of the time, and incredibly hopeful that each new friend that would walk into my life would be the friend God was blessing me with to finally balance out those who had left. I clung to them, to that idea, instead of clinging to God. If you haven't already figured it out, that led to my downfall.

I found myself in a pit. It had been a while since I dug one for myself, and this was probably the deepest I had ever made one considering I had been digging my whole life and didn't even realize it. I couldn't get out, I was so full of self pity, and kept telling everyone that the only thing I needed was a good friend.

It took a solid year for me to open my eyes to the thought of God being that friend for me. A year of hurting, loneliness, and brokenness. I sat on my back porch as it poured and asked God to give me something to let me know that I am not alone, and that I never was.

What I got was Psalm 56:8


At the moment of reading that I felt my heart lighten. I had cried alone so many times the past year wondering when I would have someone who understood me, would be there for me, and welcome me to be there for them.

Every time God was there.

He is that friend for me now. When I hurt, when I'm filled with joy, when I'm frustrated, I run to him. I had such a painful and difficult year filled with loss, but for someone who has such a need to please people I needed to see what life was like with no one to please. Just God.

Since this time I've had to watch myself even closer, and practice the self-control God has given me. I feel like myself, something I don't think I've ever known before.

 I have a heart that cares for people but doesn't find my worth in how they treat me, because I know my worth is in Jesus. I feel Jesus in me, letting me be free of the expectations of this world and able to really love others, not just please them.

"For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ" Galations 1:10

300 Days Married.

I had to take a look back at my last post, 200 days married, to see where life stopped at that moment. I think these sets of 100 days get more and more eventful, I'm catching on that that's just how life is.

To start, April 9th made 200 days and tomorrow, July 18th will make 300.

When I was last writing, it was right before I shared my testimony with the youth group. That moment of sharing went amazingly well, and I am so surprised by how God uses and pushes me to share the good news of being saved. The steps God has me going in are bright and promising.

In May I got a new job, a big girl job I like to call it haha! It's at Keller Williams, and it's been  really great move in my life. It was so very hard to leave HEB, but it was time. Being in an office environment vs. retail is incredibly different (no duh, right?), but again, I feel God pushing me in a new challenging time of my life and making me get out of my comfort zone because that is where we grow.

I got accepted into SAGU for Counseling Ministries, and will start back at school in the fall. After a year off I'm very nervous, but ready, to go back to school. I love school and I love even more that I finally found the major I'm called into being.

Walker and I bought a house. Yep. We bought a freaking house!! How amazing is that? It was such a stressful time, but it all worked out and we are still in the process of moving. As of today it's been a week since we closed. This is probably the most surreal thing that has happened in the past 100 days. We bought a house that has only ever been in my dad's family. They were the first to live in it in 1970, and we are now the 3rd generation to own it. Buying a home had a ridiculous amount of ups and downs, but man this makes all the lows more than worth it. Also, along with the house we adopted another sweet puppy named Ladybird. Still adjusting to her in the house, but  gosh she's so good!

I went through, no..I'm still going through, a really hard realization for myself. I crave relationships with people. I love to get to know people, to let them know they're important, and to love on others. But sometimes/all the time I do that and I put them in front of my time with God. This entire year has been incredibly painful for me concerning friendships. Let down after let down, whether it was big things with the wedding, or just being left out of outings, it has been a very challenging season. But as this year of hurt comes to a full circle, I am beginning to see the purpose. It is not healthy to put any relationship with someone before my friendship with the Lord. I may have lost some, but I am gaining closeness to Jesus, and I know there are better things ahead.

Walker has been amazing these past 100 days. Seriously, he's been wonderful. Whether it's been surprising me with dates or with unpacked boxes, he's been the very best. It's amazing to hear him talk about God and share his faith with others, Walker a year ago wouldn't of done that.

There's going to be so much going on in this next part of my life, these next 100 days. Walker and I will have our 1 year anniversary (what?!) and I'll be starting school. Beauty is on the horizon. I'm holding Jer 29:11 close as the plans for my life continue to unfold.

200 Days Married.

At 100 days of being married to Walker I wrote a sappy instagram post on how those days had been. Now that we're a few days over 200 I wanted to share the changes and events we encountered, and sometimes insta just doesn't cut it, so here's a blog post.

We reached 100 days on December 30th of last year, and 200 on April 9th of 2015. A LOT has changed and we've been busy.

Firstly, we attended two weddings, one of which we were both in!

Jessica and Cody on February 28th, 2015

Hannah and Skyler on March 14th, 2015

Going to weddings as a married couple is really refreshing. The ceremony hits me and takes me back to the day we got married, and let's be honest, I cry a lot when I think about that sweet day. But really, it is so nice to go to weddings and be in a room centered around love. We are so thankful for both of these couples and the friendship they bring us!

Also, I started working with the youth group at the beginning of this year. It's amazing how big of an impact working with teens can have on your own life personally. The willingness they have to bring God into their struggles is inspiring to me, I know I struggled a lot with that in high school. God did something in my life, which I talked about a lot more in my last blog post, but I felt led to share my testimony with the youth group. So next Wednesday on the 15th I will be doing that, please be praying for me and the group!

We had our first Valentine's as a married couple!

Guys, Walker did SO good! I remember money being tight around this time and he still managed to go all out for me. I could really tell his heart was in it, and it wasn't forced Valentine's gifts or expectations, but he really did want to  surprise me and show he loved me in a way him and I usually don't. The wedding cake candies really made it perfect :)

God really showed just how good He is with a new friendship in these past few days, with Hannah.

If there is one thing Walker and I had prayed and prayed and prayed and PRAYED for it was friendship. Young people our age with a heard for Jesus. Well, I ended up working in floral around Valentine's day and I got to work with Hannah for the first time in a LONG while. We talked about where our lives were at and decided to go have dinner. Within that same week we ended up going and getting a bible study to do together. I am so blessed by this friendship, and Walker is as well by his friendship with Brandon. You two have no idea what good you have brought into our lives, but I hope we can show you throughout our fun days together. We love you!

Me and Walker went on a lot of dates this time around and I think that's really important when you're married. Sometimes those dates are late night trips to taco bell, a home cooked dinner, or a nice restaurant trip to our new found love, Chimy's. But I think we really made it a point to spend more time together and it's made a huge impact on our marriage.

Walker got a job promotion! This is a huge deal for us. It's been hard mentally and physically on him trying to figure out where God wants him to be. Through job interviews within the company and outside as well I know Walker felt lost at some points, but God's timing is always perfect, and I have to say this was for us! Thankful for hardworking guy, and the fact that he has something new to do at work and has gotten respect that he has deserved!

We celebrated Easter by going to the service at church Saturday night and spending time with both sides of family on Sunday. A year ago we walked into that church not sure what to expect, and a year later we have a church home. I cannot say enough how blessed we are! 

So, that's pretty much it for the past 100 days! They haven't all been easy, but man it surely has been a season of blessings. Thank you for reading, and please keep us in your prayers!!

Unfailing Love.

Do you ever look back in life and realize things worked out, even though at the time you swore they wouldn't? Lately I have been tremendously overwhelmed by the beauty that my life is.

Last Sunday I heard a direct word from God, and He was telling me I needed to share my testimony with the youth group. I've been working with the youth since January, so not terribly long, but long enough to know faces and a few stories/personalities. Sharing my testimony is a big deal. There's a lot of hurt in my story, as I'm sure there is in yours. 

I'm not a closed off person by any means. I can sit and talk about my life and tell someone every detail, but usually I've hung out with them enough to share the parts of me that are a little deeper than others. To just flat out share my story with young kids going through so many of the similar struggles as I did is exciting, but terrifying at the same time.

When I heard from God I basically asked back, "Are you sure I'm ready for that?" God came back with a pretty big yes and I realized, I'm not one to question in the first place. 

When I got home, I told Walker what I heard and started crying. All the fear of being raw and open with people who didn't even know my name hit me. What would the leaders think of me? The kids? How would this change my presence at church?

And then I stopped worrying because I realized how ridiculous that is. A testimony is supposed to be honest, true, and open. God's grace refreshed me with the truth that HE made all things work together in the best timing. 

What followed was a beautiful awareness to the life I'm living. If you had told me in my past that I'd be where I am, even as soon as just a year ago, I really don't know if I would have believed you. But it's once I started believing that God was able to do the things I thought I only dreamed of that those things happened.

So in this same conversation with Walker my tears stemmed from fear turned to tears of joy because God is just so good.

Then today I listened to The Breaker's Commission by For Today. I listened to this song at 18 and cried because I wanted so badly to know, REALLY know the power of God and the confidence in the words. This morning at work I was brought to tears (I'm sure that looked super awesome to the night stockers haha!) as I listened for the first time in years knowing His peace, His presence, and the freedom that comes along with having a relationship with Jesus.

So please, pray for me and the time I will be sharing my testimony with the youth. Pray over mine and Walker's future as we grow in the Lord and with each other. 

And please let me know if I can pray for you.

Book Review: Their Eyes were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston.

For a 190 page book this dang thing definitely took me what felt like forever to finish, let me tell you why.

I. Could. Not. Get. Into. It.

That is, for the first 12 or so chapters. I put this book down and thought, "Well, good job Savannah, you held to your goal of a book every month for two whole months!" I seriously thought this book was going to be the one that ruined my reading streak.

Eventually, I made myself pick it back up and I am so glad that I did.

When I shared on instagram (follow me at savannahhemnes) that I was reading this I was surprised by how many people praised it. At the time I posted I was maybe 5 chapters in and way thrown off by the dialect of the book. 

This book is very southern, and touches VERY heavily on the topic of race. If I'm being honest I usually stay away from books like this, not because I don't enjoy them, but I also don't like a lot of opinions thrown in my face. This book did a beautiful job of not doing that while still hitting it right on the mark with racial issues. 

I think another reason I had a hard time getting into it is because I felt so bad for the main character, Janie, and it took so long for her to find something that she deserved. Probably about chapter 14 and on I got really into the story and felt really happy with the direction it was going. 

The ending bummed me the heck out, but it was beautiful. The story shows a woman who has been through life experiences that hinder her thought of love, until a younger man comes and shows her what it really means. I loved reading it and seeing redemption in her heart.

I rated this book 4 out of 5 stars on goodreads. I just couldn't get into over half of the first half, but man I got into the last quarter. I'd definitely recommend this to others, but also forewarn them of the dialect and the fact it isn't a page turner really until your over halfway in (in my opinion of course), but those last chapters are worth the entire book. To be fair, you do need those first few chapters, they're just really frustrating because I found myself wanting Janie to have the good life she deserved.

The life Janie got was even more than she dreamed, and to me that shows God's goodness in the book.

Book Review: The Beginning of Everything by Robyn Schneider.

I'm going to start this off by saying I haven't read a YA book in quite some time. Also, after reading a book so moving as Les Miserables I'm not sure if my expectations were too high, or if the beginning of this book is really cheesy and hard to get through.

In the story you follow Ezra around, a now senior in high school that got into a severe car accident the spring semester of junior year. It caused him to have to walk using a cane and lose friends, or at least contact with them.

The beginning to me was so very hollow. Once popular boy got hurt and now has to live injured and make new friends and deal with the old ones judging him. I was really turned off by it. But I kept reading, and it got a little worse. You meet Cassidy who is what is so popular in our culture now as the quirky weird girl that likes thrift stores.

The plotline isn't really the best, but I did really like the humor in it. It's kind of goofy, but it's admitted as being so in the book. The characters grow up a LOT, and at the end Ezra says he's writing it from college, which leads to a small reflection of his time he wrote about. That was my favorite part because it was very real, and almost challenges you to become who you want to be.

It also caused me to reflect on my time in high school, and let me tell you, it was a very calming thing to do. All the drama just feels so little now, but it did give me something to relate with the character with.

So yes, it was cheesy, but in a lovable YA way. And the ending wasn't what I expected at all, and I kind of liked that. I rated it 3 stars out of 5 on goodreads and I'll stand by that. It wasn't great, but it was a fun read.

Book Review: Les Miserables by Victor Hugo

 One of my goals for myself in the new year was to read more. I tend to read like...well, kind of like I do everything else in my life. I get really into it and read a few books, get to the middle of one, and put it down about halfway through. I'd like to say that life feels like it really gets in the way and at least with reading it gets put on the back burner for me because it's definitely not something I HAVE to do while that list can be overwhelming at times. So, my goal for this year is one (or more, but one is reachable) book a month. In January I picked up the book that I had put down in my last reading phase and that was Les Miserables.

As I get older what I crave to read has changed. I used to like drama filled YA stories, which I can totally still get into, but I like to also mix up what I read. I had never seen the musical, much less knew much about the story other than what a friend mentioned to me one day at work (thanks Hannah ;]). When I started reading I didn't expect what I got.

This story gets you attached to a, at first, very unattachable character who has found himself wronged in life. As you keep reading you learn about how God used a man to teach him his worth in life. To me, this book was undeniably beautiful and a good reminder of how good God is. Maybe that's why I liked it so much, but I am infatuated with the idea of hope and that is something God brings to me and also something major in this book.

I think what I liked most about it, and actually didn't like at first, is how many coincidences there are. At first I felt kind of annoyed, thinking about how dull a story can get whenever there's so many times a "what are the chances of this?!" scenario happens. But as I thought about my journey with God and looked back on my life I realized how real that is. I find myself saying that often in my life and I can usually find God in those times that felt just like simple coincidences. So in the end, it made it very real to me.

I won't lie, I cried...and I cried a lot at the ending. My heart really hurt, but even in that it was a very satisfying ending. 

I definitely do recommend this book if:

You like deep, intertwined stories.

You loved the musical.

You're on a search for God or trying to deepen your relationship with Him.

I really can't think of any reasons to not recommend this at all, otherwise there would be a column for that as well.

Since February has started I've begun my second book and my goal is to have it read in the first two weeks. It's titled The Beginning of Everything by Robyn Schneider. A VERY different read from this so far, but I'll have another review later this month of it.

Thank you for reading,

Sav :)