Servants of All.

So yesterday I made this delicious thing right here! It's a Chicken Enchilada Casserole and I got the recipe from here. One extra thing: when I was cooking the chicken (I cooked mine in a skillet with some olive oil) I seasoned them in cumin and fajita seasoning to give them some extra flavor. Also I used corn tortillas instead of the low carb ones they suggest.

I'm working pretty much all day today and I know it's going to be SLAMMED. It being the day before the day before Thanksgiving means everyone getting their last minute stuff or donating what they can. All I really hope for is to be surrounded by good people with good moods.

Mark 9:30-50

Jesus Predicts His Death a Second Time

"Sitting down, Jesus called the Twelve and said, 'Anyone who wants to be first must be the very last, and the servant of all.'" Mark 9:35

I can't help but think while reading this that the disciples are incredibly frustrating. You have Jesus right there in front of you, why are you so caught up in everything else? But at the same time, I can't say much in that because I am no better. Jesus has pulled through time and time again for me and still I let this world affect me more and more. It's human nature I suppose, and thank God we have the ability to be forgiven for our sins.

Whoever Is Not Against Us Is For Us

This part is really interesting to me because the Twelve see a man performing a miracle and try and stop them because he was doing it in Jesus' name. But we do so many things in Jesus' name now. Whenever I end a prayer I always say I pray in Jesus' name. I guess now it's more acceptable because Jesus is accepted among Christians as the savior and saying/doing things in His name is somewhat honoring him. But the main thing is this title of the chapter. If someone is not against you in your journey with Christ then they are for you, and be thankful for them no matter what.

Causing to Stumble

What causes you to stumble? Really, sit down and think. Once you figure it out the next step is to decide on whether or not it can be worked through, or if this could negatively affect your whole life. For me, it's just my short temper sometimes. That I can work on, it'll take a lot of work, but it's me doing this, not someone/something else. But if it's on the outside and it's something you're facing every day (like a job, significant other, etc.) then reconsider what you're doing and if you can work through it. Like the title of my last post, everything is possible with God. Sometimes a situation can pull you away from God though, so either you have to stand up and fight for that every second, or search for something to ease your heart. The decision is completely up to you.

Everything is Possible.

Sorry I haven't been posting, I've been really wrapped up in what's going on around me lately. I know I would of handled it all better if I had actually spent time with God, but when I'm in the midst of my anger I just want to be angry and regret it later. That's something I really really need to work on.

Every month around the same time I take a picture of my stomach and body to see where I'm at physically. November has been really great diet and exercise wise, I feel that I'm finally back on track with this stuff and it's so wonderful. I know there isn't much of a change, but I've lost the 3 or so pounds I gained over the past couple of months/weeks and emotionally I'm feeling healthier too. I'm sure you've noticed November has many more blog posts than the past months, meaning more time with God, and I know that has a huge part to deal with this progress.

I had someone ask me if I am on a diet the other day, and I get so bothered when asked that. Then I get looked down upon when I say I watch what I eat because according to them I'm already skinny. That's the thing about fitness and eating right, you aren't doing it to get skinny, but to be healthy and change your lifestyle. I then got my phone out and showed people how much weight I've lost (about 50 or so pounds) and from one of the people I got the response "Well people just need to take me as I am." I back that statement up just as much, but isn't it funny that the person that said that is the one who gave me a judgmental look about watching what I eat. Take me as I am. 

I don't do this for others, I do it for me and my family I have and will have in the future. I want my kids to grow up in this lifestyle so it's the norm for them, and they don't have to worry as much about losing their parents early to a heart disease or something that could of been prevented.

It's just so irritating sometimes, but in the end I feel it is my purpose to show others it's possible and help them if they want it.

Mark 9:1-29

The Transfiguration

I can only imagine how beautiful it was to see Jesus basically glow in front of them, and to see Moses and Elijah appear. It says they were in shock, and even more so when a cloud came over and told them to listen to Jesus, and I'm assuming that the voice was God. I think this is so so so cool, so much glory and proof right in front of them. They also get told about the Son of Man being risen from the dead and this confused them, but still they listened to Jesus.

I think what's important in this is when Jesus says "...'Why then is is it written that Son of Man must suffer much and be rejected?...'" We all have a role in life, just like Jesus. Everyone is created to serve God in a different way, and pain is a big part of that sometimes. But from pain comes growth and hope, as an example, without Jesus we would not be forgiven for our sins as easily. Search for hope in the pain, and get ready for growth in it.

Jesus Heals a Boy Possessed by an Impure Spirit

"'If you can?' said Jesus. 'Everything is possible for one who believes.'Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, 'I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief.'" Mark 9:23-24.

Everything is possible for one who believes. Anything you think can't be done can be with Jesus. Any anticipation you have for your life can happen if you allow Jesus to be first and help you get there. Miracles happen, change happens, everything happens with Jesus. All we simply have to do is believe, but that is so so hard sometimes. Our minds can only fathom what we know, but what we know is nothing in comparison to what He knows. 

If there's anything I want you to take from this it's that real change happens with Jesus.

The Name Above All Names.

The past two days have been pretty rough. We had the viewing for my grandfather Wednesday then the funeral on Thursday. I will say that at the viewing my grandpa looked better than I had seen him in a very long time, and he looked peaceful. In the end that was a really great experience not only to see him looking so good, but also to be surrounded by family, the only people that can really understand the pain and hurt that we were all feeling.

The funeral was a really great tribute to him. The priest came and asked all of us for traits of grandpa and it was really cool to listen and realize almost all of them are in my mama, and her siblings. He raised some of the best people in my life. He left a piece of him in each of them.

Today I go back to work which I'm actually ready for. I feel like I've gotten most of the closure that I need, and now what will be good for me is to get back into the swing of normal life.

Rest in peace Grandpa, we love you dearly.

Mark 8:22-38

Jesus Heals a Blind Man at Bethsaida

Jesus took this man and spit on his eyes and touched (sounds like a weird way of healing, right?) and he could see, but it was blurry. So Jesus repeated his steps and then he could see. Afterwards he told the man to not even go back into the village.

You have to really think about the message here: in the first time Jesus still worked a miracle, the man could technically see, but he went back and perfected it. The man wasn't angry when the first time didn't turn out as he hoped, he was patient and trusted Jesus. That's something we have to do as well. We all have tough times in our lives, and then sometimes it feels better but not really...and we get complacent with what we have when maybe it's just the first step in the process of growing or betterness. Stay good-natured, good things are coming.

Peter Declares that Jesus is the Messiah

In this Jesus asks what others refer to him as and they all answer with other people's answers, but Jesus asks who he is to them. Peter says Messiah. Jesus wants us to have that belief in Him directly from us as well. I'm sure people grow weary of hearing all the things Jesus is called if they don't have a relationship with him, but I think once you're saved you realize you have your Savior, your everything. He is the name above all names. You can't help but shout it out. But in this day and age Jesus asked them to remain quiet about him.

Jesus Predicts His Death

Could you imagine sitting there and hearing Jesus forsee his own death. How terrifying would it be to have the source of your strength tell you he's going to die. I honestly think I would do the same as Peter, pull Jesus to the side and at least question him and be bothered by this. But Jesus returns that to Peter, even going so far as calling him Satan. "...'You do not have in mind the concerns of God, but merely of human concerns.'" Part of Mark 8:33.

Take a second and think of what God worries about? He worries about us when we struggle with sin we know for sure, but do you think he wants us to worry about our daily lives as much as we all do? We are not aligning ourselves with God in those moments, but with the world.

The Way of the Cross

"'For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me and the gospel will save it.'" Mark 8:35. In this Jesus is talking to a crowd about being a disciple and a follower of Christ. You must deny yourself, which is so very hard because...well...we've been ourselves for a long time. But I know for myself, I like the person I am aligned with Jesus more than focused on my own personal life. Being a Christian is more than quoting Bible verses here and there. You live it. Your life changes. You have a real hope and belief that this is all for something, and then you have a purpose driven life. It's rewarding and extremely difficult, but no matter what remain thankful for the chances and life you are given.

Glorification of Busy.

I saw this image today and it really caught my eye and forced me to think about it. If you haven't caught on from reading blogs, I like to think deeply about a lot of things haha. But really, think of the word busy. We use it so often to describe our lives, in fact among my friends it's probably one of the highest words they use when I ask them how they are. But busy is a choice that can become a lifestyle, and getting stuck there is probably one of the worst feelings we as humans can have. The view of busy is different to everyone meaning everyone has their own idea of busy. Some may take my daily tasks as nothing compared to theirs, or some may take mine and feel overwhelmed. But "busy" is something we have complete control over. Just as we schedule time with friends, with work, and school, we have to schedule time for ourselves by ourselves doing whatever helps us relax. 

My age (20) seems to have a really hard time with this because we are transitioning into adulthood and every new thing added on is "just a part of it." Why isn't making time for ourselves a part of it? Too much of that comes across as lazy, but what if at that point in their lives that's what that person needs. 

God doesn't intend for us to be overwhelmed. I think whenever  that feeling comes we should really set time aside and pray for it specifically, if there's something we need to tone down, or if it is meant to be in our lives then for the ability to take it and feel equipped to handle it. Never busy, but occupied, engaged, or full of activity. Turn your perception around and take a break every now and then. It's healthy.

Mark 8:1-21

Jesus Feeds the Four Thousand

Jesus had been preaching to a large group for about three days, but had compassion on them and realized if they left and went home some would not make it. Again we see a miracle from Jesus where he made 7 loaves of bread last for all, even with leftovers.

The most interesting part of this to me is the part where we hear of the Pharisees asking for a sign from Heaven. "He sighed deeply and said, 'Why does this generation ask for a sign? Truly I tell you, no sign will be given to it.'" Mark 8:11. Whenever my friends talk to me about their prayers so many of them tell me they ask for a sign. I'm guilty as well of this, because think...what does a sign really do? It doesn't necessarily guide you or give you what you need. You can take almost anything as a sign if you read into it enough. Instead I will now encourage my friends to pray for something that seems as simple as asking Jesus to move in them and make the change inside of them. Focusing too much on what's going on around you, looking deeply for a "sign" can get you off track of looking for Jesus in yourself.

The Yeast of the Pharisees and Herod

Isn't it funny how we sit and wonder how things are going to work out? I can get so worked up wondering how people feel about me, how my life is going to change, and how in general I'm going to take on the tasks in front of me. The disciples struggled with this too, even with Jesus right in front of them working miracles nearly daily. When they start worrying about their own bread supply Jesus reminds them of how when he fed the large groups there was plenty and even more left over. One of my favorite worship songs is Oceans (Where Feet May Fail) by Hillsong United, one of the lyrics being "You've never failed and you won't start now." I hope I can remember this whenever life gets tough and I feel lost. God always provides in his perfect timing. All of my past struggles have taught me things so I can be better in the future with Him.

Reactions.

I hate to start this off with bad news, but my grandpa passed away yesterday. I couldn't bring myself to see him on his last day, for me that's not how I want to remember him. When you know someone with dementia I think you understand better that most of the time not seeing them is easier than seeing them. I hope that doesn't sound selfish or mean, trust me, I absolutely love my grandpa and I'm missing him very much. I think I already had so many bad memories with him because of the dementia that I didn't want to add anything onto that.

The last time I went to see him it was just me and Walker, that was the only time I went and visited him without one of my parent's or family members, and he was in the hospital. I was so scared of seeing him, of him not remembering me. We got there and he was getting tests done, and at that point I almost left. I'm really glad now that I didn't. I waited about 30 minutes or so and went back to find him and he was in his room sleeping. That's my last memory with him, and compared to the ones before it, that was good. Any time I saw him awake I could feel his pain, and I'm glad the last time I saw him wasn't that way.

Yesterday I was right by my mama when she got the call that he had died. I'm glad at least I got to be with her for that, really glad actually. Today I'm going with her and my dad  to visit my grandma for a bit. I think the most important thing is just being there for each other right now, so that's what I plan on doing.

I think probably the best thing my family has to hold onto him by are his paintings. He did portraits of almost all of us and our significant others. It's just really really cool to have that. The above picture is my favorite one I've seen of his, it was in my bedroom at my parents house and after last night I brought it back to my apartment. He's with me always, I will forever have this painting, and one day pass it onto my kids.

Mark 7

That Which Defiles

"'Nothing outside a person can defile them by going into them. Rather, it is what comes out of a person that defiles them.'" Mark 7:15.

I think that verse can speak hugely to people my age. I know so many of us, myself included, tend to blame our upbringing for our attitudes and opinions. I think for the early years of our lives that may be a valid excuse, there isn't much we can do when it comes to changing our own lives while having a lack of control of what goes on in it, but once you hit 16 or 17 I think it should switch. You are growing up. You can no longer blame your parents for the fights, but instead you should find a way to love them through them and end them. Life happens. A lot of what happens on the outside is out of our control, but when it comes to our reactions and what we say, we have full control over that. That's the reminder that this is supposed to give.

I hope that people can find hope in this as I do though, I didn't mean for my first paragraph to be so harsh. But think, we have the ability to change ourselves. It may seem impossible on our own, but that's why we should align ourselves with Jesus and that is where true change comes from.

Jesus Honors a Syrophoenican Woman's Faith

To be completely honest to me this didn't make a whole lot of sense. The main thing I got from it is that the woman learned to put her children first, no matter what state they are in. I think she was terrified of her daughter (she was possessed by an impure spirit) and did what she thought she needed to by not feeding her, but Jesus reminded her of the importance of taking care of her own.

Jesus Heals a Deaf and Mute Man

These kinds of stories are my favorite. Jesus does huge, unimaginable things. It makes me wonder why so many of us doubt he can alter our lives and change and help us. Again he asked no one to talk of it but they did, while going on about how amazed they are by his doings.

Walking on Water.

Finally, I have two days off in a row with little to nothing planned in them besides chores! It's funny, I keep sitting here wondering what I work tomorrow, I'm so used to only one day, and then I get the happy realization that I don't! Not that I hate work, but hardly every do I get time off and have nothing to do with it.

About my grandpa, all I know is that he is moved into the hospice. It's hard in times like these. No one can really help, it's just something that is going to happen.

Yesterday I had my cheat meal. It was one of my favorite things ever: Rosa's bean and cheese burritos. Oh my goodness they are so good. I usually have a cheat day, but I think for the sake of getting back on track from the past two months, I'm going to limit myself to a cheat meal once a week. I plan on going for a run later on today and just doing some yoga tomorrow. I get so nervous about running outside, which I think is kind of silly for myself, but I really don't like working out in public areas (gyms and me are no bueno unless they have a bunch of separation and rooms) so it's hard for me to motivate myself. But the weather is SO pretty and with winter coming today might just be the last day I get to go outside. I need to take advantage of it!

I feel like I haven't said too much about Walker lately, but we're doing well! Our relationship is trying to find balance (can you tell from my last blog posts that me and balance aren't well acquainted?) in many ways. Not only do I struggle with my own worries, but Walker feels them too, same as I feel his. Personal balance is key towards a relationship I think. All in all, the growth we feel together is tremendous, and it simply takes time.

Mark 6:30-56

Jesus Feeds the Five Thousand

It's really really cool to read this after doing the Feast of Sharing this past week. I know I mentioned at times my heart was hardened towards others, but just imagine how that experience could of been even better if I had realized the chance God had given me that day the whole shift. I hope that next time I get a chance like this I really take it and run with it with a a full heart ready to serve. I have no doubt in my mind that Jesus was in that place, something so great and so giving could not be done without him.

Jesus Walks on the Water

One of the passages I've heard about many times I've finally read. I think the thing that stuck out to me the most is that as soon as Jesus sat down with those in the boat the winds calmed. While they saw him walking they saw a ghost and were scared, only making things worse. But when he seemed real to them and sat in the boat everything was at peace.

I challenge you to apply that to your life today!

The Power of Belief

I got some really bad news today. My grandpa is getting taken off of his medication and moved into a hospice. They don't know how long it will be until he leaves us, but they know it will be soon. My heart is broken right now. Yesterday I knew something was up because my mom was upset, but all she told me was that he had a really bad day when she visited him. Then today she texted me and asked when I was working, I told her, and she told me to call her afterwards. Me being the antsy person I am had to know what was going on right then and there so I called and she told me the news I just shared with you. I couldn't help but start crying on my drive to work while talking to her, and I thought I could fight through it at work..at least for a couple of hours. All I knew is that there are only two managers than I can't really fake anything around, like they know the minute something is wrong with me at work, and of course one of them was the one to greet me when I walked in. I saw her and just lost it..she let me go home. All the afternoon I probably the most inconsistent I've been in a while. I'd cry and cry and cry, then be somewhat okay...start thinking again and the tears came back. I love my grandpa so much. I don't think I've ever seen him really angry and he's only been helpful and loving to me and my family my whole life. I'm just not sure what to think..how to feel. I don't think anyone knows in these situations.

The worst part is, is now I feel that I'm playing a waiting game. I know one day soon I'm going to be getting a call from a family member letting me know he isn't with us anymore. I feel that sadness may be with me for a good while.

This is me and my grandpa when I think I was even younger than a year old. He's loved me my whole life, and I'm not sure how things will be without him..I don't want to know.

Mark 6:1-29

A Prophet Without Honor

I can relate to this part in so many ways. Basically Jesus came back to his hometown to preach and they all doubted him, saying he was related to "normal" people...there's no way he is actually doing this. It goes on into accusing him rather than listening to him and giving him a chance. When I first became a Christian and really tried to work on myself it was extremely hard around my family. I'm not going to go into detail, but I feel like I was being watched constantly, like some of my family members were ready to watch me fall and point it out. Even Jesus in this situation knew "He could not do any miracles there, except lay his hands on a few sick people and heal them." Mark 6:5. I think a huge part of that is when someone doubts you it's like you're already cut short. Jesus is always ready to work for us, but we have to believe he can actually do these things.

Jesus Sends Out the Twelve

This is really cool to me, it's simple part for sure, but if you look at it in more detail it's just like when God sends us out on missions. He creates us with a purpose, but sends us out when we are really ready and gives us the abilities and needs that we require on these callings. It's just cool to relate what he did with the twelve with what I see Him doing in myself and peers around me as well.

John the Baptist Beheaded

I guess this is the first crazy story for me to actually sit down and read. Most of the time when I read the Bible it's things like Psalm, Proverbs, etc. which are still awesome for sure, but Mark is more story oriented. It's sad to see the evil and jealousy in people, especially to the extent of wanting someone dead..much less having their head brought to you on a platter. But I'm glad to see that the disciples took care of what they could when it came to John's remains.

Side note: Please keep me and my family in your prayers. We really, really need them.

Genuine Prayer.

Do you ever have one of those days where you've unfortunately woken up on the wrong side of the bed? I did yesterday, all day I was easily irritable and wanted space and sleep. I'd pray, but looking back now I really don't feel that it was genuine, meaning even in prayer I was annoyed. I feel like it's normal to have days like this, but what I tend to do is sink into them rather than fight them. Imagine the amount of personal strength it requires to get past this.

Mark 5:21-42

Jesus Raises a Dead Girl and Heals a Sick Woman

"Overhearing what they said, Jesus told him, 'Don't be afraid; just believe.'" Mark 5:36

Again we see crowds around Jesus asking, begging, for help. A man from the synagogue named Jairus approached him to ask him to help his sick daughter. Along the way there people are crowding and I'm sure asking more favors.

Then we hear about a sick woman that had been bleeding for hours straight. She believed strong enough that doing something as simple as touch Jesus' clothes might heal her, and they did. To realize the importance of this the disciples mention to Jesus that tons of people are brushing up against him, but there was something different about this. This woman believed in Jesus enough to make the miracle happen. That's huge. So many times in my day I let worry take over and doubt Jesus' abilities like most of the people in the crowd. To relate it to my  text before the bible study, I pray and ask, but I'm either still in the negativity or scared, and so I don't receive. Whenever you pray your heart should be full of trust and thanks for God. That's how miracles happen, and that's how your days change.

Once Jesus gets to the little girl she is announced dead. That's where verse 36 is said, and I really really loved it. He was saying it to Jairus, the father, to calm him once she had died to everyone else. Jesus raised the young girl and immediately she started walking around. But, he told them to not tell anyone of this, only to take care of the girl.

I think that's one thing I don't understand. Why sometimes Jesus tells them to go and tell others or to stay quiet. In all circumstances I could see reasoning for either way, but why is it not consistent?

Anyways, this has been a nice read. I'm definitely going to be praying for a better day today.

The Needs of Others.

Sorry for the lack of posting. Doing these bible studies require time to sit down by myself and really think about God and listen to him. I haven't really had that time the past couple of days, Monday being mine and Walker's anniversary, then Tuesday I opened and about an hour later went and volunteered at the Feast of Sharing. If you don't know what that is, it's an even HEB puts on for people that don't have much in their lives, that may not even get a thanksgiving meal.

My job there was to serve drinks, which was really REALLY hard because people (HEB people or people attending the event) would come up and just take the drinks before we could even get to the people sitting. Needless to say, that was irritating, but when we could finally get to the people it became highly rewarding.

Not everyone was thankful with this gift though. There were some people who just took and took and took, or others that just didn't want what we had to offer and were mad about it. That irritated me. I feel bad for letting that irritate me, and my judgmental side came out in full force. I think the good definitely weighed out the bad, but I think everyone would agree it's highly discouraging whenever you're trying to help someone and they either take too much or push you away.

But that's life. You can apply that to the people who you are surrounded by each and every day.

This is our group (or most of it at least) that came from my store. These people make work fun, make volunteering fun, and in general make what could be the worst part of my life the best. And I'm so very thankful for them. God has surrounded me with good people.

Mark 5:1-20

Jesus Restores a Demon-Possessed Man

Isn't that crazy, the title? The fascination my generation seems to have with demons and what they can do is huge, just look at almost all of the horror movie topics, but in Jesus' time this happened a lot. So far into Mark how many times has it been mentioned, and it's only chapter 5. That's just mind boggling to me..that the thing that is so blown up and almost popular now was a serious problem beforehand.

I think the saddest part of this is that the people get terrified of Jesus, even going to a point of asking him to leave. Jesus removed the demon from the man, placed that demon and more into pigs, and they killed themselves. That is what terrified the people, and they simply forgot about the fact that he had saved the man that was right in front of them. 

Maybe I can apply this to yesterday..seeing how my team was helping people, but some of the attenders forgot about that and just wanted all that we could give. But Jesus listened to them, left when they wanted him to, and none of these people asked or wanted us to leave, they all did appreciate it, maybe some just needed it more than others. I can't imagine needing something like food. It's been given to me, or I've been able to buy it myself my whole life. What a terrifying life that must be, and when they are given it who knows what goes through their head. 

All in all, no matter how they acted, at least those people left full and hopefully with a smile on their face. Isn't it crazy how much a Bible study can affect you and your outlook. Now I wish I had made time for this yesterday before I went to the Feast of Sharing. Maybe my heart would of been a little more open to people.

Be Still.

Hey everyone! Sorry I didn't post yesterday...I just wasn't in the mood to really blog or anything, work wore me out completely. It did today too, but I know my days are so much better when I sit down and really think about God and the word.

Mark 4:21-41

A Lamp on a Stand

"For whatever is hidden is meant to be disclosed..." Jesus talks in parable form a lot in this chapter, but this he's talking about the fact we put a lamp on a stand and not the ground. Therefore, we don't see everything, only what we need to. I have a lot of anxiety issues. I worry all the time about what can happen, what will happen, and how it will affect me. I waste my time in this worry. Anything I need to know at that time in life I have been given by God already. Why should I worry about what others are thinking, or about incidences that could happen? If at all I should worry about the present and how I can make it the best I can.

The Parable of the Growing Seed

No one ever seems to focus on those years before God and how God felt while we were growing. This tiny little part touches on the process, how we grow and it is unknown how until we connect with God and grow with him. Growing on our own often leads to a lot of issues, and I'm not saying growing with God is perfect in it's process (because it is SO difficult) but at that point we have hope in something much greater than ourselves. That's the difference.

The Parable of the Mustard Seed

Jesus relates Heaven to a mustard seed saying that, "'Yet when planted, it grows and becomes the largest of all garden plants, with such big branches the birds can perch in its shade.'" To me he's saying that it isn't something we can see, in our daily lives it may seem small to us because we think of the world we're currently in. But when we finally get to get there and see the beauty ourselves we see the true greatness of what we thought of as small. Why not change that outlook?

Jesus Calms the Storm

So the disciples and Jesus are on a boat when a storm arose in the middle of the sea and the disciples wake Jesus up and ask him if he's even afraid to die. "He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, 'Quiet! Be still!' Then the wind died down and it was completely calm. He said to his disciples, 'Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?'" So I guess you can guess why I love this passage so much? it touches on anxiety and why we shouldn't even let it touch us. God's got this. I'd much rather my life be in his hands than my own.

Good soil.

Today was a serious challenge. I have a new least favorite shift at work: 8:45-5:15. Seriously, that's all day, and ALL of the rushes. Not to mention I was stuck behind a register rather than bagging for 90% of it. I will say it could of been a lot worse, and in general people were in good moods today. I've gotta rest up and be back there at 7 in the morning, but this time I'll be getting off earlier. I just finished my chores around the apartment, finally getting to unwind. My dinner wasn't the healthiest to say the least, being a donut and the last of my vegan brownies...but hey, at least there were a meal rather than a snack..right? No? Okay.

Also, if you live in Texas, you HAVE to try this coffee from HEB. I had never been able to get into coffee that  I made myself at home, but I bought this and I have to say I am definitely in love!

Mark 4:1-20

The Parable of the Sower

I absolutely love this. The first part mainly because it shows as an example how to get the message of God out without putting it in someone's face. I know many people who are not Christians, or at least don't accept God, because so many people have shoved it down their throats over and over. Jesus gives a message, and people can take it however they want, but they all know what it really means from Him.

And then as it went on into verses 13-20 I got a a little saddened. I had been in every bad situation that he mentioned. Every single one. I don't know if that's normal, I feel like it is. The main thing I got from this is to be humble in the word, be joyful yes, but don't be overjoyed to only have it stolen away when life gets a little tough. Again, balance. 

Every day I pray I pray for balance to be in my life, one day it'll be here.

Division.

So far today has been nice. I opened at work (6 AM to 2:30 PM) then went and had lunch with a friend. Now I'm home, really fighting the urge to not work out. My eyes are so heavy right now, but I know come this time tomorrow I would appreciate a rest day much more than I would today. Oh! We turned the heater on in the apartment, yay lower electricity bill prices!! Also today, I found myself complaining about others to others, a bad habit I need to break quickly.

Mark 3:20-35

Jesus Accused by His Family and by Teachers of the Law

Right into it, verse 21, they are calling Jesus out of his mind. Being someone of the modern church cannot believe someone would say that about Him, but I guess in that very day and age where it was happening they sometimes could not believe His doings, but to call him out of his mind I think is a little baffling. But, that's just as we are in a day to day basis. We doubt Jesus and his abilities and we let the anxiety/anger/sadness take over while the whole time He is able to save us from it. Whatever the reasoning behind not letting it die to him is, part of it has to do with doubting He can help.

They even go so far as to say he is possessed by a demon, which is again, preposterous knowing all that we know now. But Jesus speaks so wonderfully in verse 25, "'If a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand.'" He then relates that to the accusation of him being possessed, saying that if he really was he wouldn't be able to drive out demons with a demon already in him. But still, that verse is so great.

I see it applied in almost every aspect of my life. At work, when there is tension amongst the managers, or even groups of the checkers against each other, it falls apart. Our scores drop, our morale drops, and in general we are not the happy place we are known to be. At home, whenever there is tension between Walker and I nothing gets done. We're angry with each other so no chores get done because why should we help out the other person? In my own mind, while I'm going through self-hate and think lowly of myself, my workouts aren't good, my eating isn't right. All because two things that are supposed to go together don't work. Those two things can make a whole item collapse.

Again, balance is so very important in life. Only one person can give it.

Stubborn Hearts.

Yesterday compared to Monday was a huge day in improvement. I worked (super early I might add, 5:45AM-2:15 PM), came home and made lunch/dinner, spent time with God, worked out harder than I had in a long time, and then I came home and passed out completely haha. I got a total of 11-12 hours of sleep last night, I think my mind needed it badly. Yesterday I realized in almost every aspect of my life I struggle with finding balance. In most of the things I do I either give/push/help too little or too much. What is the middle, and how do I stay there?

Mark 3:1-19

Jesus Heals on the Sabbath

Again, I don't practice the Sabbath. Like I said last time, all I really know if it is it's supposed to be a day of rest, and on this day and time Jesus had to choose whether to heal a man's shriveled hands or not. He asked around the room asking those who were in there what would be wrong and what would be right, to heal or to not heal on the Sabbath? "He looked around at them in anger and, deeply distressed at their stubborn hearts, said to the man, 'Stretch out your hand.' He stretched it out, and his hand was completely restored." Mark 3:5. Of course it is right to help others first, no matter what day it is, but we like rest. We like to be lazy, and so whenever someone asks for someone on "our" days it comes off as a bothersome. Jesus set the example to always help people, but this is where we also see that that Pharisees and Herodians plotted to kill him afterwards.

Crowds Follow Jesus

Jesus had demands and requests from all over asking for healing in many ways. His only request to them was to not tell what he had done. To me, I see that as a humbling thing, and also a true test to the people he cured as well. I imagine it would be so hard to be restored and then have to keep quiet about it, but at the same time, if it's the only request you have from your healer (especially if you owe him your life) you would have to realize how little of a job that is compared to what He did for you.

Jesus Appoints the Twelve

This is pretty cool to me to read. We get to read about Jesus handpicking his disciples, the people that would take on his job and then find people to take theirs after Jesus died. We also learn about Judas, the one who betrays him. That's all we really get, but to be told that before it even happens is almost a reality check to whoever is reading it.

Thoughts to Actions.

I do not like the person I am whenever I'm away from Jesus. Whenever I get to my worst, where I don't call on God because I'm too ashamed of the hate and anger I've shown, and when I become who I used to be. It's crazy how much of an impact spending time with God has on your days, and how much not spending the time makes your days. Today I choose to be better.

Mark 2

Jesus Forgives and Heals a Paralyzed Man

I'm pretty sure if I saw Jesus face to face last night while I was making myself and others around me miserable, Mark 2:8 is what he would of said to me. "Immediately Jesus knew in his spirit what they were thinking in their hearts and he said to them, 'Why are you thinking these things?'" In the Bible this is said because some people in the room begin to doubt Jesus and his abilities and begin to question how he would be able to forgive the paralyzed man's sins. I needed to hear this last night, but as I said before, by the time I realized the mess I had made I was scared to go to God about what I had done and said. I messed up....badly. I was embarrassed. But whether I confessed and told Him or not, He knew. He knew my thoughts, He knew my fears, He knew everything. I need to remember this the next time I struggle deeply so I can remember to just tell God. He already knows, but if I don't get it off of myself it just grows into something uglier. Sincerely praying can bring peace.

Jesus Calls Levi and Eats with Sinners

The last verse in this is the most powerful to me. It is a reminder that we are not put on this earth only to rejoice with others about the good news, but to share it. We are here to help lost people. That means not being ashamed to sit and talk with them, but to show them the same kindness we do our closest friends. Jesus set that example in this part.

Jesus Questioned About Fasting

The best way I could understand this is that Jesus was basically the trainer to everyone. He didn't always have to do something for proof, He's Jesus. He's here to instruct you, and He'll stand by your side through the good and the bad like a instructor should. He answers the question humbly, never being insulted by someone else saying something he didn't want to hear.

Jesus is Lord of the Sabbath

What I got from this is that Sabbath is a day of rest. That's truthfully all I got...if anyone has anything else to add to any of this I'm more than willing to hear.

Thank you for reading!

Allowing Enjoyment.

"Some were fools through their sinful ways, and because of their iniquities suffered affliction; they loathed any kind of food, and they drew near to the gates of death. Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress. He sent out his word and healed them, and delivered them from their destruction. Let them thank the Lord for his steadfast love, for his wondrous works to the children of man!" Psalm 107:17-21.

Today I'm struggling with food and balance in life again. It happens. I'm very anxious about many things in life, my weight being one of them. I don't think there is a worse fear than gaining all of the weight back, or even half, that I've lost. What I've found is when I spend time with God I struggle with this less and less, even if I don't pray for it. That's how God brings balance into your life.

I NEED that balance right now. Today is just one of those days. I can't get my workout in and I just get discouraged, and I want to go and pick up fast food. And maybe I need to. Isn't that weird? But think, after working so hard on diets/exercise through this week I think I've deserved it.

I have to learn how to not hate myself for enjoying things. Enjoying rest. Enjoying food. In reality, that's only 10% of my life while 90% is working out/eating right/working etc. 

I am going to break if I don't allow myself this freedom. 

This verse from Psalm that I put at the top is powerful. So powerful. I think when you struggle a lot with personal body image it's tempting to keep it in you, not tell anyone when it gets really bad, and all that leads to is unhappiness every morning when you see yourself in the mirror. But this encourages you to let go of it, yell it to God, get it the heck out of you and your system. 

There's something really freeing in that, especially when you're telling someone who can replace it with peace.

Isolated Prayer.

Today has been a really great day! I went to Waco to do a co-teach with a new trainer (new to me I mean) and it went really well. I prayed for humbleness and confidence and I feel it was provided. Plus, I got to and from Waco safely with my low tire light on...very scary but as soon as I would pray I felt better. Tomorrow I'm heading back to Waco but instead I'm taking Walker's car to avoid any possible damage to my car or myself. Still, keep me in your prayers for getting there safely, 180 miles in one day is a lot!

Mark 1:29-45

Jesus Heals Many

This is where we see Jesus become popular to others. His news of healing spread like wild fire and tons of people came to him asking for help. Jesus helped them every single time. Every single time. Even if it feels like God isn't helping you at all, maybe He's helping you in a way you don't even realize. Never ever lose hope or faith.

Jesus Prays in a Solitary Place

I love this. Absolutely love this. It's such a small part, but take a second and think. Even Jesus had to take time out by himself to spend with God. It's great to spend time with Walker and God, but there is nothing in the world like just me and Him.

Jesus Heals a Man with Leprosy

In this we see an instruction from Jesus to the healed man, do not tell anyone, but go to your priest and show him. The man didn't listen. God saved this man and he didn't listen. He did such a huge thing, but the man couldn't stay humble in his gift God gave him. That's huge. So often things get fixed/better/etc. and we can't shut up about them to others and don't spend enough time thanking God for the blessing.

Fishers of Men.

Hello everyone! After finishing Galatians I was a little stuck on what to read next, so I took a few days off...which I don't recommend, but today I just wanted to read something from the Bible so badly. I googled what to read when starting the Bible, even though I'm not really starting it's a good idea to read something like that for advice on where to go, and it recommended Mark. I don't think I've ever really read Mark, so I was excited to start.

Mark 1 has 45 verses, so I'm splitting the chapter into two.

Mark 1:1-28

John the Baptist Prepares the Way (Mark 1:1-8)

I like this little bit about John, especially for someone like me who hasn't read too much of the Bible, it gives knowledge on how Baptism started. I think the thing I admire most of him isn't necessarily him baptizing others, but the humbleness he has. He's doing such a fantastic thing, but he doesn't boast on himself. He still tells others of Jesus and how his baptizing can be even greater. That's a hard thing to do when you're given a big task and become well known for it, but it's part of the submission and humbleness that comes along with following Jesus.

The Baptism and Testing of Jesus (Mark 1:9-12)

This part of this chapter gives insight to what the process of baptism is, and what it felt like to Jesus. How cool is that? We get to find out the feelings Jesus had while being baptized in the Jordan. Verse 11 really warms my heart, "And a voice came from heaven: 'You are my Son, whom I love, with you I am well pleased.'" That's just so awesome, and I'd like to think when people get baptized with love for Jesus in their heart God says that about us as well.

Jesus Announces the Good News (Mark 1:14-15)

I think this is really just an awesome reminder that we should be sharing the good news to people. I'm so scared to in daily work, but the awesome thing about it is is once you live humbly and love others, peoplle start to ask you questions about yourself and why you are this way. That's my way of sharing, but I eventually would like to become more bold in what I believe. That's a big goal of mine.

Jesus Calls His First Disciples (Mark 1:16-20)

This is where I got the title for my post. I remember this passage being talked about in church one day, and how deeply we got into the "fishers of men" concept and how Simon and Andrew dropped everything to follow God. That is so inspirational, to just drop everything and know God has you. That confidence in Him provides abilities and strengths we never could of imagined in ourselves.

Jesus Drives Out an Impure Spirit (Mark 1:21-28)

This is the first miracle we see/hear of Jesus doing. Everyone is in awe of him casting out the impure spirit of the person in the crowd. Essentially it gave belief to any nonbelievers, who could deny the awesomeness that they just saw, and the savior that stood in front of them?

On a side note, yesterday was Halloween and we got to dress up at work! Me and Walker are slightly obsessed with the show The Office and dressed up as the awesome couple Jim and Pam. I'm pretty proud of how well we pulled it off and we got a lot of compliments on the great job we did :)