Day by Day.

It's been a good while, huh? January has been extremely busy for me with going back to school, working full time, and in general just doing things around the apartment.

I have to take a break real quick to say how much I love this guy. God sure did bless me with my soul mate, and I'm so thankful I got this time with him at a young age so we can really grow old together<3

To be honest though, the past 5 days have been so incredibly nice. I got 5 days off in a row from work, and I embraced that...maybe a little more than I should by not going to school this week just so I could breathe for a bit. I'm not too awesome at going to school and I never got great attendance, but as long as I don't fall behind I never worry about it. I just needed a break. I don't get those very often anymore. I try to not have too big of a problem with that fact, but when the rare occasion comes to relax and enjoy myself I do so.

So what have I done in the past 5 days?

Friday it felt like my bridal party fell apart because I realized the person I set as my maid of honor is not who I wanted to be my maid of honor. At one point she was my best friend so I felt obligated to put her there, but realistically she showed the least interest in my days, much less my wedding. I'm trying to not be bitter, because trust me this didn't go over well, but it is extremely hard. I'm really saddened by all of this happening and the way it did. But that's growing up I guess.

Saturday I went and got my wedding dress! Even with the craziness my bridal party saw the day before, that day made me really happy to have them there with me. And my dress, oh my goodness my dress, it's just so perfect for me. Walker is being a total butthead and trying to see it and figure out what it looks like and I refuse to let him. We all went out to Panera for lunch, then I sat and talked with my new maid of honor (she was a bridesmaid and I just bumped her up because she was the one helping me the most with the planning and is most available to help me) for over an hour about everything and anything. It was really nice to be able to do that again with someone other than Walker, even though Walker is pretty awesome himself haha.

Sunday Walker's family had a get together for birthday celebration. I got some not too awesome mexican food and some very awesome red velvet cake. That kept us busy for most of the afternoon then that night we got to see one of our favorite friends play in a battle of he bands. It was pretty rad and he did great. We then went out to dinner with him and his lady (who happens to be one of my best friends and one of my bridesmaids). Needless to say after that I just didn't want to go to school the next day.

Monday I did absolutely nothing. I laid around with Walker all stinking day and it was wonderful.

Tuesday I chose not to do much until I went to the gym, then me and Walker went out and had froyo and I finally used my $25 gift card to tjmaxx.

So as you can see, I really only got the relax time I was hoping for the past two days, but I wouldn't trade the weekend for anything. I think today I'm just clinging to the laziness inside of me and giving myself half a break on today before I have to go teach my boss' husband checker skills 1 tonight. Yup, that's right...so I'm a little more nervous than I want to be right now. It's only my second time teaching so I'm still not really sure of what I'm doing, and now I'm teaching someone who is going to be a top leader how to check? It'll be interesting.

It's been much needed, because I can feel the want to do something coming back whereas before all I wanted to do was nothing.

But what about my relationship with God? This month I have not been close to Him. I haven't necessarily been pushing away, but I definitely haven't been praying as much as I should, and cussing is creeping back into my life. I don't really like my old format that I did before, where I analyzed each and every little thing. I'm not really sure how I want to do it, if I want something structured or if that gets too boring for me, but I want to return to spending time with God. I need it more than anything because what I've learned is even being lazy for a couple days doesn't bring what you think you need, but being with God can give you even more than you hope for.

"'Whenever you are arrested and brought to trial, do not worry beforehand about what to say. Just say whatever is given you at the time, for it is not you speaking, but the Holy Spirit.'" Mark 13:11

"'It’s like a man going away: He leaves his house and puts his servants in charge, each with their assigned task, and tells the one at the door to keep watch.'" Mark 13:34

Okay, so I decided to go on with Mark, I'm really determined to finish this book! Mark 13 is all about the coming of Jesus after he passes. 

A couple of verses really stuck out to me, the first was verse 11 which I put earlier. I really like this verse because it helps someone with anxiety (like myself) to realize if I'm worrying about how or when to say something I shouldn't, just as long as all my faith is in God and I listen to him as he instructs me on what to say or do. It's like when your in alignment with God the right words come easier because your heart is in the right place as well as your mind. You aren't focusing on the trials of today, but on the growth of tomorrow.

The second verse I chose (34) because it puts what we do for God in the a very simple way. Jesus is not here with us in person right now, but we are all given a purpose to do for him on earth while he is away. We carry such a huge opportunity to work for God, and that's a really awesome thing to be trusted with.

So after reading this and really thinking about this, I feel much better about tonight. I mean, I know what I'm doing, there's no reason for me to fear that. I've just got to stop thinking so far ahead into my future and worrying about things as a week, and instead focus on each day and really think about the ways to accomplish the tasks in front of me.

First Blog of 2014!

Hey there!

It is seriously so difficult to type right now because....

I got my first set of acrylic nails today. I'm not sure why, but lately I've really been wanting to try them out. I'm not sure how they'll work out at work, but hey it's worth a shot. You've just got to enjoying being a girl sometimes :)

Anywho, it's the first day of 2014. 2013 was so eventful, I feel like I literally went through everything you can besides getting married and getting pregnant that year. Even through all of it, it was absolutely fantastic. 

I'm hoping this year I actually keep up with meaningful blogs, all touching on important emotions, times, and events in my life.

Also, this year I want to do something extra special for Walker. I plan on writing recaps of each day until our wedding together, then giving it to him as a gift. I think he'll really life it, I'm just not sure how to keep it a secret.

That's all I've got for now, happy 2014 everyone!

God of the Living.

Hi everyone!

Man, I am so so so so SO tired. During October and November I didn't really work 40 hours most of the weeks, either because I was lazy and/or I was having personal issues and really just needed to go home. Last week I worked all 40, and this week I'll be working about 37 (only because I got sent home early so I could see June, my sweet little cousin for a couple hours. Totally do not regret that!). So my body is in shock I guess right now, and totally worn out. Not to mention, it isn't just work, but being busy outside of work as well is wearing on me. I am so ready for the holidays to be done, at least whenever it comes to work.

Mark 12:18-44

Marriage at the Resurrection

"He is not the God of the dead, but of the living. You are badly mistaken!" Mark 12:27

Kind of a weird concept, if a husband dies his brother is to basically take over for him and marry his widow if they had no children together. All I can think is that it would be extremely weird to marry Walker's little brother haha. 

But what's most important in this passage to me is what Jesus says. He states that whenever we die, we are not married. We separate from each other and become one with God. I think that's why it's so important to have a marriage with the foundation as God instead of each other, because one day we will separate to be joined with our savior. The importance of that cannot be forgotten in a marriage.

The Greatest Commandment

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and all your strength." Mark 12:30

That was Jesus' answer whenever someone asked him what the greatest commandment is. Straight from his mouth and everything. Whenever anyone in my generation really struggles with their calling in life, I think it is always important to remind them that their first is to love God. All good things come from God, and loving and trusting him brings them more aware to us.

The second he says  is loving your neighbor. Notice the repetition of love in these. Love is the greatest emotion and action towards others. We are called to love God and his people. Loving his people is definitely hard sometimes (especially working in retail, am I right?) but making it more of a point to show it not only makes someone else's day better, but yours as well.

Whose Son is the Messiah?

I definitely need to study my Bible more and the old testament. Whenever they mention certain people I have no clue who they are. I do like the verse mentioned in this though. One day I'll reread this and it'll make much more sense.

The Widow's Offering

"They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything-all she had to live on." Mark 12:44

This has to be my favorite part of this chapter. Would you be willing to give everything to Jesus? Or would you just give the required amount like the rich? I think starting in January I will start tithing and giving money to The Oaks, and set a goal to find a church here in Burleson I can go to and enjoy. Giving what I can, I'd like to see how God can change my world. I also think giving that to God will give me a new way to respect him and want to learn from him.

Being Grateful.

Hey guys! I know it's been incredibly long since I've posted anything on here. I really have no explanation or reasoning other than the fact that I got really really lazy. Throughout the 15 days of no posting (I know, that's a huge amount of time considering how well I was doing) life has been up and down. I've definitely been struggling with finding my peace with God, and I had found myself getting angry often and just not being who I want to be.

Can I just say, my number one annnoyance is my apartment and how small it is. I will never recommend a studio apartment to anyone at all, the price is just not worth it, especially if you're living with someone else and two animals. A lot of the time it literally feels like I have no room to breathe.

So with that, let's get into it.

Mark 12:1-17

The Parable of the Tenants

To be completely honest, until I got to the very end of this, I had no idea where it was going. But verse 12 explains that it is relating to how the chief priests are treating Jesus and retaliation he is getting from them. Then I saw it, God gave them this land, gave them the ability to preach and be teachers, but when the creator comes face to face they are jealous and scared of him. They want what he has, and to get it the only solution to think of is killing him. They don't give him the respect he deserves, seeing how he laid out everything for them. 

I like the way this is written, somewhat confusing and then you have that big "oooooooh" moment.

But to apply it to my daily life I could really use it anywhere. My parents, my job, my relationship with Walker. Of course I wouldn't go so far as wanting to or even thinking about killing any of them, but I know I can be stingy and greedy. Not willing to always give what I've been given. That's something I need to work on, to learn how to give others the compassion they always show me, rather than being quick to anger.

Paying the Imperial Tax to Caesar

Honestly in this part it's nice to see that God believes in giving back (I feel that it ties with the first part very nicely). I feel that so many people are so stingy with their money and hate doing taxes, but in the end they money and amount is given to us when we need it, and we give it back whenever it's due sometimes. It's all in God's plan, and that's what we have to remember always.

Just a side note

I really need some prayer right now. Half of the time I feel like I'm going crazy with these animals in here in such a small space. I'm so tired of them always being under my fight, always breaking something, always causing a mess. I need either a solution or the patience necessary. So if  you wouldn't mind praying for me it would be greatly appreciated.

I'm just so ready to be out of this apartment.

Real Change.

Hi everyone! I had some pretty big news happen yesterday: I finished asking the people I wanted to be in my bridal party!

The first is Mackenzie, she's my second bridesmaid. The second is Lauren (or Lawren as I call her) and she's my maid of honor. I've said so many kind words about them on facebook already, so to keep it short and sweet I'm just really really thankful for them to be in my life, and I really feel that they'll be by my side my whole life, so they deserve to be there along side me on my special day. Also, Jessica is one as well, I asked her probably about a month ago :)

Today is an eventful day off to say the least! I have pilates at 11, taking a check to my school for payment for classes, come home and do homework, spend time with Walker, then go to my FAVORITE FAVORITE FAVORITE band's show tonight. I really thought it wasn't gonna happen but one of my friends pulled through and said she would go with me. SO SO SO SO SO excited, they're the band that was the inspiration for my 3rd tattoo with the lyric "I want you to know the love that set me free, I don't worship a concept, I follow a King."

I'm just so excited :)

I'm also really excited to be seeing and feeling God work through mine and Walker's relationship. Both of us are trying much harder to be more tolerable and have less of a short temper. I have high hopes for us as we take things day by day :)

Mark 11

Jesus Comes to Jerusalem as King

It's really awesome to see the greeting Jesus gets in this. I feel it's exactly what he deserves for who He is, and these people don't even know that he's about to die for their sins.

If we saw Jesus today how would we greet him? I think I would just be in shock honestly, and fall to my knees in awe. I can't wait for that day, when my King appears in front of me.

Jesus Curses a Fig Tree and Clears the Temple Courts

"24 Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. 25 And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” Mark 11:24-25.

So many people, myself included, pray for miraculous things all the time. The big realization to these people is that sometimes, God won't just fix it. He'll give you chances and chances and chances to fix it with Him in your heart, but sometimes it won't just be "fixed." If we didn't have to work for things to be better, to be fixed, ever in our lives, how would we really appreciate the change? Growth with God is a journey that affects your whole life and how you think. Do not get angry with God whenever things don't get better suddenly, chances are you've already had at least 3 times where you can work on it yourself and passed them up.

When you pray for something, keep it in your mind always, that way when the chance comes to fix it you haven't forgotten.

The Authority of Jesus Questioned

All I could think when I read the last verse was oh snap! I seriously feel like a child for saying that, but when these people came asking Jesus what authority he had to come through and remove the criminals from the path (they were selling robbed things), he asked, "'John's baptism-was it from heaven, or of human origin? Tell me!'" Mark 11:30. The ultimately reply saying they didn't know, and Jesus tells them they will not know what authority he has been given.

Receiving Your Sight.

Hi everyone..or..you know, the maybe  or 3 that actually read this religiously :p

First off, I have to brag about how cute my cat is..

She's started hiding in my dresser drawers and falling asleep. One time I accidentally closed a drawer with her in it and heard her meowing 10 or 15 minutes later while I was in the bath. She's just too cute, and I think for Christmas we may invest in a little cat bed, I have a feeling she'd use the heck out of it.

Today has been good, I took it easy this morning, went to class, then registered for next semester (only for them to schedule me for a history I've already taken...), then came home and did laundry. Oh, I also made a crockpot meal. I'd link the recipe but it's on Walker's laptop, but basically it's pizza in the crock pot. I think the layers of it go: ground meat (I used lean turkey), pasta (I used mini whole grain penne), mozzarella cheese (I put enough to cover the pasta), a can of cream of mushroom soup, onion powder (it calls for an actual onion, but Walker and I both hate the "crunch" of an onion so we always substitute), more cheese, 2 jars of pasta sauce (my absolute FAVORITE is a blend of tomato and alfredo that is made by HEB), more cheese (if you're wondering I used an 8oz bag..I spread it pretty thin), then pepporoni's. It cooked on low for 4 hours. I hate eating dinner late, and it wouldn't be ready until 7:30 so I just made a sandwich. Tomorrow I'll actually try it and I'm sure I'll let you know how awesome it was :)

This week is kind of weird food/working out wise. I didn't do too great last week so I've really got to work on portioning and counting calories just to get back on track. And making time to work out is crucial for sure. I plan on going to the gym Wednesday and Thursday, and I'm typing it out now to hold myself accountable!

Mark 10:32-52

Jesus Predicts His Death a Third Time

Can you imagine hearing this from one of your leaders? The best I can relate this to for my modern life is my boss, and just how weird would it be to hear them say something in that manner. I don't even like to hear  them tell me they're transferring to another store. I feel like I would be so scared of the future and what was going to happen.

But why? You know already what's going to happen. Jesus told you. For me my life is changing constantly, so for something to be constant in it and to know it was actually going to happen could be somewhat reassuring. I'm not saying I wouldn't be upset in their position, but I'm saying the worry that comes along with it really shouldn't exist. The future is set and you know it, don't worry about it but instead prepare for it.

The Request of James and John

"'For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as ransom for many.'" Mark 10:45

James and John ask Jesus to be at His side in glory as their request. Jesus stops them, and shares the reality of he unimportance of that. That is a title, a stance, and if that's all that you care about then you are not serving correctly.

We shouldn't work for a title, but for God and His plan for ourselves. If we work for that diligently then we will be in those spots by earning them. I feel like that's much more rewarding than just getting the spot because someone liked you.

It's almost like at work/school when you see someone kissing up and getting something you don't think they deserve. How often do they stay in that position and thrive? If something isn't worked for then the reward is not real to them.

Blind Bartimaeus Receives His Sight

The best way I can analyze this in the modern times is this: we don't see Jesus like people in this time of the Bible. We are living our lives blindly before being saved. Then whenever you are introduced to Jesus and it clicks, I mean it really clicks and you're saved then you see. "'Go,' said Jesus, 'your faith has healed you.' Immediately he received his sight and followed Jesus along the road.'" Mark 10:52

We are like Bartimaeus in the lives we live today. We have to be given vision, real vision that lets us see Jesus and what he can do for us.

Let No One Separate.

I'm not too good at keeping this up, huh? Surprisingly this has been the best I've ever kept up with a blog so far, it's mostly because of the devotions/bible studies I do in them.

Thanksgiving was really nice, getting to see family (and getting time and a half :p) were great. It's also kind of a monumental holiday, it's when I first met all of Walker's family. Me being me, I had to take a comparison photo of last year and this year.

It feels like our faces have matured so much (and everyone says I look taller...if only!). It probably has to do with the fact we're definitely more relaxed in the second picture. 

You know, living together really changes everything. I'm hoping this doesn't sound wrong, but it's the best way I can say it. If I have learned anything as to why it's important to wait until your married to live together I think it's mostly because you then have more of a commitment, more of a "reason" to stay in the hard times. I think it is so easy to leave someone while dating without giving the relationship a real chance. Living together challenges the relationship a lot, you have to learn how to work together and to find a way to make time together special still. 

Now please don't misunderstand what I'm saying, I love Walker to death, but yes we do fight. It happens, and fights generally make you and your relationship stronger. But it's those little annoyances, you know? Where if you don't resolve them they just build up and then you argue about dishes whenever there may be an underlying cause. What I'm trying to say is it's a lot easier to fight/argue when you're around someone  24/7. I'm just as guilty as Walker is in these circumstances, and that's a hard pill to swallow. No one likes being told that they're making the one they love most mad or annoyed. I never intend to annoy Walker, but I know if I had to be around myself all the time I would undoubtedly become the same way.

I bet you can't guess the next word I'm going to use...

Balance. Balance is everything in a relationship. You have to know the balance between getting your point across and drilling someone over something as simple as cleaning the stove. There's also balance in the ability to come home and say no phones, no games, just us. Think of how life is before you move in, you have to make the time together when suddenly there's all of this time and it's so wonderful at first...then you want to check facebook/twitter/pinterest/etc. and he wants to play a new video game for a little bit. When a little bit becomes all day/night and you've hardly spent time together that's when you know you need to set those things to the side and remember each other.

Simply put, you take each other  for granted once you live together. I mean, you take your parents for granted, right? You forget how important time is with them, and how important it is to let the little things go. I will say I think living together before marriage is very challenging...I mean EXTREMELY challenging. I don't necessarily say you should or you shouldn't, I think that's every person's own decision. Is it looked down upon, yes, and I know that. But I will end with this, you never really know a person (or how much they love you) until you come home to them every single day.

A relationship is nothing but hard work, never forget that. Don't become lazy or complacent in it. It's special, and it's the rest of your life if you're engaged/married. Cherish it and grow it.

Mark 10:1-31

Divorce

"'Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.'" Mark 10:9

I'd like to let y'all know that I had not even looked at Mark 10 and what it entailed until right now, after typing out all of that about relationships. Crazy right? So stinking crazy how God relates what you are talking about/need advice with through the word. In this Jesus talks of divorce and how it should not happen, that it only happens when hearts become hard. 

Remember all that you give at the beginning of the relationship, how you just want them to like you? Why does that alter whenever you have them? It's a part of your heart hardening to the specialness of the relationship. It doesn't just happen with significant others, but friends and family as well. Always show your love to others, especially those you appreciate most.

Things are not going to be flawless, people mess you, I mess up, you mess up, everyone messes up. Hard times make for a stronger person and bond. Working through them is just a part of it. 

The Little Children and Jesus

"'Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.'" Mark 10:15.

Think about that. That really makes me think about my relationship with God. I try so hard to be mature and understand it, but how would a child take it? They would be in awe, they would talk about it, and be excited. I need to take time aside to just be happy you know? I'm saved, God isn't always necessarily showing me something I have to read into, but that He loves me and I need to celebrate that more often.

The Rich and the Kingdom of God

"'But many who are first will be last, and the last first.'" Mark 10:31

How challenging is it to realize that your status here doesn't really matter? Instead of working to be the best at work, we should work to please God. I'm guilty of not always doing that, and I get wrapped up in activities that bring out the worst in me just so I can be "best."

That isn't what God wants. Work always to please God, not others.