Trusting Your Wants.

I'll be the first to admit that I seek approval in most of what I do. Growing up, I've been told what not to do and so when I do something right it always got praise. Trust me, I had plenty of examples of right and wrong, but even with them I wanted someone to tell me yes. Sadly, that has continued into adulthood. If I don't know exactly how to do something 100% of the time I need to hear that "good job" or "that's right". But why? My parents didn't raise me badly, and along the way I've found God and have good morals. I have to learn to trust myself because I'm at the point of my life where change is the biggest constant. My plan for the future is always changing, my friends move away, my job is always pushing me to be better, literally everything about my life is in transformation mode all the time. So in this mess, what is my rock. I can depend on God to give me circumstances that aren't too much for me to handle, but all in all I make the decisions. I have to trust myself instead of asking someone else beforehand if they think it's a good idea. Even after I sometimes let anxiety eat away at me and just sit and wonder what others are thinking. In reasonable areas of my life, who really cares? If I stand 100% in my decision, I should trust myself enough to be okay with that choice and not live for what other's think. I'm the first to stand up for those I love, but also the first to tear myself apart sometimes. I gotta learn to love myself and be confident.

It's sad that for my generation confidence is mostly perceived on being confident in how you look, but it's so much more than that. To be confident in your decisions and actions, that should be the ultimate way to assurance.

Also, just another small update from Padre! Walker and I were going to go to the zoo yesterday but on the way there it started pouring so of course then we decided to look at the weather forecast and found it was supposed to rain in Brownsville the whole day. We came back and hung out at the beach, went boogie boarding a little, but I think I pulled the muscle in my left shoulder so today I've only been in bed. No fun, so a prayer would be greatly appreciated. It's killing me right now not to be out in the ocean!